


Broken Down On Memory Lane

by orphan_account



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Boys Kissing, Chicago (City), Chronic Illness, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gay, Gen, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Illness, Kissing, M/M, Major Illness, Members of Fall Out Boy, Multi, Panic At The Disco (Band), Pete and Patrick (Fall Out Boy), Peterick, Pre-Hiatus (Fall Out Boy), References to Drugs, Twenty One Pilots Cameo, brallon, fall out boy - Freeform, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 07:44:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 33,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9113284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: That's the thing he liked about having his room in the attic, he two giant windows facing east and west. He loved to watch the sunrises and the sunsets. Brendon sat in silence, watching the snow glisten as the sun creep out from behind a row of houses. These were the moments he lived for, calm, silent, completely alone.





	1. Introduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's the thing he liked about having his room in the attic, he two giant windows facing east and west. He loved to watch the sunrises and the sunsets. Brendon sat in silence, watching the snow glisten as the sun creep out from behind a row of houses. These were the moments he lived for, calm, silent, completely alone.

Brendon opened his dry eyes sleepily, the sound of Radiohead coming from his phone. He clicked his phone on and checked the time. 6:11 am. Right on time, He thought. He kept the music playing softly as he laid in his bed, too sore to move. He hummed along with the song, enjoying the darkness of his room.

Once the song had ended, he reluctantly made his way out of his bed and to his bathroom. He used the bathroom and washed his hands, his joints aching dully. He studied his face in the mirror. His face was tired, his eyes seemed to be darker than they usually were. His face had 'talk to me and I'll kill you' written all over it. He shook the thoughts out of his head before opening the mirror cabinet, and taking out his various medications. He sniffled as he filled his small blue cup with water and took his pills. He sighed, wishing he could lay down again. He didn't want to have to go out today, he was in no mood to talk or interact with anyone, especially at school.

Brendon trotted down the stairs to the kitchen where he made himself a cup of coffee in his french press, enjoying the smell of the fresh brew filling the quiet, cold kitchen. He smiled as he made his way back to his room, sipping the coffee as he went to his bay window, sitting on the soft cushions. That's the thing he liked about having his room in the attic, he two giant windows facing east and west. He loved to watch the sunrises and the sunsets. Brendon sat in silence, watching the snow glisten as the sun creep out from behind a row of houses. These were the moments he lived for, calm, silent, completely alone.

When the second alarm went off on his phone, the sun was well over the horizon, and his quiet neighbourhood had finally started to wake up. Cars were driving down the icy streets, people were out walking their dogs, and kids were making their way to school, bundled up for the cold weather. Brendon sighed, he'd much rather observe this day than be apart of it. He sniffled as he went over to his dresser and grabbed a pair of jeans, slipping them on his thin legs. Then he went to his closet and grabbed his lavender hoodie, slipping it over his head. He studied himself in his mirror again, fixing his long hair before heading downstairs. Some colour had returned to his face, he didn't look as grumpy as he did before.

"Morning," He called to his mom, who was busy flipping pancakes. He let his mother kiss his head.

"Do you know how grateful I am that I don't have to fight with you to get out of bed in the morning?" She asked with a smile. The smile was warm and natural, the kind of smile that's nurturing. He's seen this smile many many times.

Brendon smiled back, hoisting himself up onto the counter top. "I like waking up early to watch the sunrise, it's nice and quiet." He replied.

His mother smiled. "It is nice, isn't it? Your father used to love watching the sunrises, too. You take after him so much.." She said, quietly. Her face changed, her smile dropping slightly, remembering. Brendon's seen this smile quite a lot too.

"I'm glad. There's no one else I'd want to take after.." Brendon sighed.

His mother scoffed, an amused smile appearing. "No one else? At all?" She questioned sarcastically. Brendon leaned forward, hugging her.

"Well, maybe there is one other person.." He chuckled. His mother chuckled back, lifting another pancake onto the stack next to the stove. She poured more batter into the pan as Brendon hopped off the counter to go make his lunch. The kitchen was quiet for a while until Brendon sniffled again. His mother turned off the stove, adding one last pancake to the rather large stack.

"Are you getting sick?" She asked, walking over to Brendon and feeling is forehead. Concern was plastered all over her face.

Brendon ducked under her hand and went to put his lunch with his backpack. "No, I'm fine. I just sniffled." He said, trying to reassure his mother.

She sighed. "You know you can't hide being sick from me." She said.

Brendon chuckled. "You're a doctor, I'd be concerned if I could." He walked back over to his mother, hugging her. "Really, I'm fine. A little sore, but I'm fine.." He whispered.

"Did you take all your medication this morning?" His mother asked. Brendon nodded against her. She smiled, releasing him from the hug. There was still a hint of worry on her face. "Alright, you hungry?"

"I'm always hungry for my mom's world famous pancake breakfast!"

"Good," She said "Because I think I made too many.."

After eating and helping his mom clean up, Brendon bundled himself up for school. He has a car, but the high school isn't too too far from his house, and it was such a lovely day, even if it was a bit on the cold side. Though his mother protested the idea of him walking, Brendon assured her he would be just fine.

Brendon set out, still wishing he could be at home. He never liked missing anymore school than he had to, but today he just got stuck in a particularly bad mood. He walked along the sidewalk cautiously for a good while, enjoying the music playing through his headphones when someone almost knocked him over.

"Urie!!" Pete cried as he jumped on Brendon. Brendon pulled his earbuds out, laughing. "We missed you!!"

"Pete! Give him some space! He just got out of the hospital!!" Patrick yelled from behind them, running to catch up to the two. Brendon sniffled again, smiling.

"It's fine Patrick, I'm okay, really. It was nothing." Brendon reassured.

"I wouldn't call being hooked up to a ventilator for a week 'nothing'.." Patrick whispered, worry and sadness on his face. Pete's happy-go-lucky smile faded into concern.

"Guys, it was just a precaution. Just a little lung infection is all. I'm fine, I promise." Pete smiled again, though Brendon could still see concern behind it.

"Well, we're glad you're back. You missed a lot while you were gone." Pete said, getting right back into the gossip. The three started walking again "Tyler and Josh are official."

"Well, it's nice to see somebody fulfilling their new year's resolutions." Brendon shrugged as he started on his way again. Pete and Patrick followed, chuckling.

"They said they couldn't wait any longer." Patrick chimed in. Brendon scoffed.

"I mean I guess not. Coming out the first week back at school. It's ballsy to say the least." The two boys nodded in agreement.

"How was new year's in the hospital?" Pete asked. Brendon chuckled at the question.

"I mean, it was okay. No alcohol though, so it wasn't as fun as it could've been."

"Imagine that, they don't give alcohol to minors with lung infections at the hospital!" Patrick cried sarcastically. "I'm going to call my local senator and get that fixed immediately!" Brendon and Pete laughed.

"Since when do you crack jokes like that?" Brendon asked. Patrick shoved him playfully as they reached the school, making their way inside.

"You'd better tell me all about Josh and Ty in history!" Brendon shouted to Pete and Patrick as they parted ways to go to their lockers.

"Will do, captain!" Pete said as he saluted Brendon. He chuckled as he opened up his locker, disposing of his heavy winter jacket and getting out his textbooks. He was the first student in his homeroom as usual, greeted kindly by his favourite teacher Mr. Shea.

"Ah, welcome back, Brendon! How're you feeling?" Brendon smiled as he made his way to his usual desk.

"Alright, a little sore, but good." Brendon replied.

"Well, I'm glad to know you're okay. I've sent all the work you missed from all your classes to you, but you didn't miss much, so don't worry too much about it."

"Thanks," Brendon said as a few other students started making their way into class. He saw Dallon walk into the class. His face lit up and flooded with relief when he saw Brendon.

"Hey!" He greeted cheerfully as he sat down. "How goes it?"

Brendon smiled, unable to help it when Dallon was smiling back at him. "I'm alright, hey how was that basketball game? I'm really sorry I couldn't come."

Dallon laughed, placing his hand on Brendon's shoulder. Brendon's skin electrified at the touch, and a feeling or warmth spread through his entire body. He wished he had kept it there longer. "Hey I get it, we won."

He saw Josh and Tyler walk into the class, hand in hand. Tyler stood on his toes at the door to kiss Josh goodbye. He detached himself from Josh when he saw Brendon, running up to him and hugging him.

"Brendon! You're back!" Tyler cheered.

"And you're official with Josh!" Brendon replied "I can't believe you guys did it when I wasn't here!"

Tyler and sat next to Brendon in his usual seat. "We tried texting you, but you never replied to us." He said.

"I was basically asleep for the whole week, sorry."

The bell rang and all the students made their way to their seats. Mr. Shea stood up and began the lesson.

"Happy Friday, class! Today, we're going to be working on our..." Brendon averted his attention to the window, watching the clouds move along the sky.

* * *

 

"I'm telling you! It looks like a duck!!"

"Are you fucking crazy?! It's a rabbit!" Pete and Josh were laying in the snow near the running track debating on cloud shapes, high as all hell. Pete sat himself up and looked at Brendon, Patrick and Tyler. "Guys! Can you please tell Josh that that cloud is a fucking rabbit?" He called to the three who were sitting on the bleachers, pointing at the sky.

"You look like a fucking rabbit!" Josh said, kicking Pete. Pete laid down punched his arm, and they continued arguing. It had warmed up considerably since the morning and water was dripping off of everything. It was calming. Brendon took one last drag before handing the blunt to Tyler.

"Are you sure it's okay for you to be smoking?" Patrick asked Brendon.

"Totally fine, Patty. I've read that it's even good for me." Brendon said "Why don't you try some?"

"Someone has to be the responsible one in this "clique"." Patrick replied, looking over to Tyler. "Are we really calling ourselves that? It sounds ridiculously stupid and conceded.."

Tyler chuckled, taking a hit from the blunt. "It suits us." He said smugly. "The Clique. It makes us sound cool."

"Which we aren't.." Patrick sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Hey!" Tyler interjected. "We are some of the coolest people in this shitty town, right babe?" He called to Josh.

"You know it baby boy!" Josh shouted back. Brendon rolled his eyes at his friends. They're all so different, he wondered how they all clicked together. He checked the time on his phone, sighing.

"I should probably get going, I have a lot of homework to catch up on." He told the other two. Tyler groaned.

"No! Stay with us! We haven't seen you in so long, dude!" He whined.

"My mom's gonna kill me if I don't get it done, but we can hang out for as long as you want tomorrow, okay?"

Tyler sighed. He was disappointed, but Brendon could tell he understood. "Fine, see you tomorrow." He said as he took another hit. Patrick smiled and waved as Brendon started making his way back home. He had been walking for about three minutes before he heard someone yelling behind him. He turned around to see Dallon running after zero. Brendon quickly stepped in front of the small dog, grabbing it and picking it up. The dog licked Brendon as he giggled, Dallon running up to him.

"Thank God you were here to catch him or he would've kept running for another three blocks." Dallon said, out of breath, relief in his small smile. Brendon handed Dallon the leash and put the dog back on the ground. His heart fluttered when his hand touched Dallons.

"No problemo dudo!" Brendon smiled

"Are you high?" Dallon chuckled. Brendon's eyes went wide. Dallon almost fell over laughing.

"Am I being that obvious?" Brendon questioned in a hushed tone. Dallon nodded through his laughter.

"I know you must have a bunch of homework to catch up on, but do you want to come over for something to eat? Besides, you look like you need it." Dallon smiled kindly. Brendon smiled too. There was something about the smile Dallon had on his face, Brendon couldn't tell what it was. He knew Dallon was happy, but there was a hint of something foreign that he was unsure of.

"It'd be dumb of me to pass up free food." Brendon said, disregarding the thought as they started walking to Dallon's house.


	2. Causing A Commotion On The Gurney Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Brendon, I-"
> 
> "It's okay.." Brendon whispered "I'm okay. Really."

"I've always wanted a dog." Brendon sighed as he sat on Dallon's kitchen counter, watching Zero eat. Dallon was putting a tray of pillsbury doughboy cookies in the oven.

"Zero basically is you dog, he hates me." Dallon sighed.

Brendon chuckled. "It's not that he hates you, he just loves me and gets upset when I'm not around."

Dallon turned around to face him. "Well he was certainly upset that he didn't see you for almost two weeks. You should've seen him, always waiting for you." Dallon smiled, remembering. "I'd come for from school and he'd run to the door, all excited, and when he saw it was just me he'd just walk away."

Brendon smiled. "He's my most loyal subject."

Dallon burst out laughing at how regal Brendon was trying to sound. "What are you? A monarchy?" Brendon couldn't help but love Dallon's laugh. It sounded so nice and happy. He loved the sound of his voice, it felt comforting. But maybe that was just the weed talking.

The oven went off and Dallon removed the cookies from the oven, putting them on a cooling rack and bringing them over to where Brendon was sitting. "I'm still in awe that the most popular jock in school invited me to his house and made me cookies." Brendon giggled.

Dallon shrugged as leaned against the counter, an amused expression he couldn't quite read on his face. "We've been best friends since before we can even remember. Will you stop with this whole 'jock' thing? Yes, I play basketball but I'm not a jock. I don't even hang out with anyone else on the team besides Tyler, Andy and Joe."

Brendon said as he broke a cookie in half, watching the steam rise from the center of the two pieces in awe. "You're the jockiest jock in all of Jocksville." Brendon said simply. Dallon chuckled

"God, you are so stoned.." Dallon chuckled as Brendon bit into one half of his cookie.

He moaned "Oh my fucking God these are so good." Dallon smiled, taking a bite out of his own cookie. He watched Brendon chew his cookie happily, a small smile on his lips. His heart fluttered when he thought of his lips, how perfect they look, what the felt like... He cleared the thought from his mind. What the hell was he even thinking? He and Brendon were friends, nothing more.

It hurt. It hurt to develop feelings for him, but it was happening. And it killed him. Knowing that he was starting to love the boy who thought of them as nothing more than good friends. How did this even happen?..

* * *

monday, the 11th of january. week 1

Dallon walked into homeroom three days later to find that the seat in between his and Tyler's empty. This wasn't unusual of course, Brendon misses school all the time. But he'd seemed fine last night when they'd skyped. Yes, they live three blocks away from each other, but Brendon didn't want Dallon to come over in case he got Brendon sick. It's not like Dallon had taken any offense to this, anything could trigger his weak immune system to shut his body down completely, a sniffle or a small cold could be deadly.

Guess keeping Dallon away from him didn't work. Then again, it could be joint pain. Then again, maybe he just decided to blow off school all together. He does that from time to time.

Dallon sat next to Tyler, leaving Brendon's desk between them just in case he was late. Unlikely, but always a possibility.

"I heard Brendon blew us off to hang out with you." Tyler said, trying to sound angry.

Dallon scoffed. "C'mon, Tyler. He was at my place for half an hour at most. He had homework to do."

"That's not what Josh told me." Tyler said, a smile creeping onto his face.

Dallon rolled his eyes. "And what did Josh tell you?" He asked

"When we were going home after practice yesterday he told me that Pete told him that you bribed him with cookies so that we couldn't hang out with him."

Dallon sighed. "Why the hell would I do that?"

Tyler giggled, enjoying the fact that he was annoying Dallon. "I dunno." He snickered. Dallon shoved him playfully as Tyler's soft giggles turned to amused laughs.

"Speaking of, you see Brendon at all today?"

"No, I haven't," Tyler said as Mr. Shea started the class. "Text him."

Dallon discreetly pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened Brendon's contact.

Dallon  
Hey stoner, you staying home today?

Brendon  
unfortunately, i have a fever and my joints are aching :P

Dallon  
If I could take your place I would. Anything to get out of this boring class :/

Brendon  
haha thanks, im just really bored. my mom almost stayed home from work because she was so worried about me

Dallon  
I can come over after school if you want. I can pick up some fast food and we can watch netflix?

Brendon  
I didnt think you were the 'netflix and chill' type

Dallon  
Do you want the damn food or what?

Brendon  
Yes please Mr Weekes

Mr Weekes  
Ew stop calling me that that's my dad

Brendon  
It suits you

Mr Weekes  
Just tell me what you want so I can bring you food you kinky little stoner

Kinky Stoner  
Mcdonalds?

Mr Weekes  
I'll see you at 4:00 with mcdonalds

Kinky Stoner  
Ur my hero Mr Weekes

Mr Weekes  
(¬_¬)

Kinky Stoner  
Luv u too

Dallon smiled as he clicked off his phone. The end of the day couldn't come soon enough. He wanted to see Brendon again, he wanted to see his smile. He thought about the text conversation. Was he flirting? Of course not. You're just friends, idiot. Nothing more and nothing less.

After school he got into his car and drove to Mc Donald's, and getting the usual before driving past his house to Brendon's. Dallon could see Brendon sitting next to his window in his room, looking towards the sky. He looked down at his driveway just as Dallon got out of his car, smiling and waving. Dallon waved back as he let himself into the house, making his way up the stairs to Brendon's room.

"Dilly!" Brendon exclaimed as Dallon entered the room. Dallon took a moment to admire Brendon's room. The ceiling was slanted, and their was a bay window with cushions on either side of the room. Brendon was sitting on the one facing east, cuddled in the duvet from his bed. Dallon sat across from him on the soft cushions, handing him a bag of food

"They were out of your usual so I just got a few different things and you can choose."

"Why didn't you text me?" Brendon asked as he pulled some fries out of the bag.

Dallon looked at him, and Brendon already knew what he was going to say by the look. "Brendon, I know you. I kn-"

"I know you inside and out, up and down, forwards and backwards. I know everything about you, I think I can manage finding something you like at McDonald's besides a fucking quarter pounder." The two of them burst out laughing. Brendon ran his fingers through his long, poofy hair. Dallon noticed what Brendon was trying to hide immediately

"You're fingers are turning blue." Dallon said commented nonchalantly. "You stressed or cold?"

"A little bit of both." Brendon replied.

"What's stressing you, my child?" Dallon said, placing his hand on Brendon's thigh. Brendon shivered at the touch, giggling nervously

"Oh it's nothing.." Brendon mumbled. Dallon sighed

"Do I need to make you recite that whole little speech again?" Brendon chuckled dryly. "You can tell me Brendon."

"Really, I'm okay." Brendon said, trying to smile. The two went back to eating in silence for a moment before Brendon chuckled. Dallon looked up at him questioningly, wanting an explanation.

"I was just thinking. Last summer when you were visiting family in Missouri, Pete, Patrick, Josh and I all went to Tyler's for the night and we dared Tyler to give Josh a lap dance." Dallon almost choked on his food.

"Oh my god, why any of you ever told me?!" He asked, laughing. "I should call him right now." Dallon said. Brendon's eyebrows shot up and he covered his mouth

"Do it."

"This is a terrible idea."

"That's why you have to do it!!" Brendon said, leaning over and shaking Dallon. Dallon chuckled and pulled out his phone, clicking Tyler's contact and putting the phone on speaker. Brendon put his hand over his mouth again.

"Hey Dallon." Tyler answered

"Tyler! I can't believe you've been keeping secrets from me for so long! Don't best friends tell each other everything?" Dallon exclaimed

"Wha.. Keeping what from you?" Tyler asked. Brendon snickered

"You never told me you were a stripper!" Dallon said. He heard Tyler babbling before letting out an irritated sigh

"Are you with Brendon?" Tyler asked. Brendon couldn't hold his laughter back anymore. Tyler sighed again

"We all swore we would never talk about that night at the hospital ever! I swear to God the next time I see you I'm gonna kill you!" Dallon stopped laughing. Night at the hospital? What's Tyler talking about?

"Don't worry about it, Ty! My shit immune system will take care of that by the end of the year, tops!" Tyler went silent on the other end of the phone, and Dallon's smile faded.

"Bren-" Dallon started. Tyler cut him off

"Brendon, you have way more than the rest of the year to live..." Tyler said quietly. Brendon sighed, his smile fading. The atmosphere in the room shifted dramatically

"That... That's not what I've been hearing from my doctors.."

"Why the hell would they tell you something like that??" Tyler asked

"I'm surprisingly good at pretending to sleep, Mr. Joseph." Brendon said, his voice low.

"Why do you insist on calling people by their last names? Mr. Joseph is my father." Tyler said.

"Why does everyone insist that calling them by their title and last name is their father? It bugs me." Brendon huffed. Tyler sighed on the other end of the line

"Fine, Brendon call me whatever you want. I have to go now, Josh and I are going to a movie."

"Have fun you two love birds!" Brendon sang. Tyler ended the call and Dallon looked up at Brendon. He was looking down at his food

"You only have a year to live?" Dallon asked quietly

"That's what I've been hearing.." Brendon said quietly "And that's them being generous... Wether it's gonna be my kidneys, or my brain, or my lungs, or my heart, or an infection, or cancer, or another one of the millions of things that my body can't protect it's self from... They don't see me ever even starting college.." Brendon sniffled. Dallon placed his hand over Brendon's.

"Brendon, I-"

"It's okay.." Brendon whispered "I'm okay. Really."

"Brendon what was Tyler talking about when he said 'that night at the hospital?" Dallon knew now that Brendon had lied, and he was scared to know why. They would never keep secrets like that from each other.

Brendon took a shaky breath. "Back... Back in August when you went to Missouri to visit family.. I ended up in the hospital.. I was there for most of the time you were gone..." Brendon mumbled. Dallon gasped

"Brendon I was gone for the entire month." Dallon remarked, shocked. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Brendon looked back up at Dallon, on the verge of tears. The sight of him like that made Dallon want to cry. "I-I didn't want to worry you, I knew you'd want to come back and see me but you hadn't seen your family in so long and you were having such a nice time!" Brendon replied.

"What happened? How bad was it?" Dallon asked

"I just.. I was anemic... It was bad, and.. they.. They were worried I had leukemia Dallon.. I didn't just want to dump that on you and I didn't want to tell you until I had to... Until I.. I..." Dallon moved their bags of food onto the floor and moved himself next to Brendon. "It's bullshit, Dallon. Complete Bullshit. I'm only seventeen and I'm dying. I can't even legally drink and I'm dying. I've never had a pet dog and I'm dying. I've never been in love, but I'm still dying."

Brendon let out a sob. Dallon pulled him close to his chest. He was very warm. Dallon could feel his heart rate increase with Brendon leaning into his chest. He looked down at him and took in the features of his face. His jawline, his eyelashes, the faded rash that covered his bright red cheeks and nose. The rash that's common in people with lupus, nicknamed 'the butterfly rash'.

"Hey, hey Dallon.." Brendon said, weakly

"Yeah?"

"I.. I need you to take me to the hospital... I'm.. Not feeling too hot.."

"Actually, you feel very hot.." Brendon chuckled weakly, followed by a wince of pain

"Dal, we need to go now..." Brendon urged, feeling lightheaded

"Okay Brendon, hold on.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect so many people to read the first chapter of this story. Hope you guys liked chapter two!!


	3. It's Not So Pleasant And It's Not So Conventional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He took both of Brendon's hands and helped him sit at the edge of his bed. His hands were soft, and much smaller than Dallons. They fit so perfectly together. Dallon gave Brendon a small smile as he helped him up. Brendon was slow standing up, and needed lots of support from Dallon to hold him up.
> 
> "You good?" Dallon asked. Brendon nodded, concentrating on keeping his balance.
> 
> "Does this hospital gown make my bare butt look good?" Brendon asked cockily as Dallon lead him across the room.
> 
> "You are a horny little shit, you know that Urie?" Dallon asked. Brendon giggled
> 
> "Cut me some slack, I'm dying." Dallon smiled sadly.
> 
> "You've got time.." Dallon whispered.

monday, january 11th. 5:17 pm. week 1

"Okay Brendon, hold on.." Dallon said as he got off the cushions next to the window. He wrapped Brendon up in a small blanket at the foot of his bed and picked him up bridal style, carrying him downstairs and out the door, to his car. He buckled Brendon in his seat and got into the driver's seat, stepping on the gas "You doing okay?" Dallon asked as he speed towards the hospital

"My head hurts, Dal.." Brendon whimpered

"It's okay, you'll be okay." Dallon said, trying to stay calm

"Can we call my mom? So she knows I'm coming?" Brendon asked. Dallon nodded, handing his phone to Brendon. Brendon dialled his mom's number and held the phone up too his ear.

"Mom, hi... No, I'm, Dallon is driving me over... No I'm okay, just hot and dizzy... Mom, mom I'm okay.. We'll be there soon, okay? Okay.. Okay love you too." His voice was weak as he spoke into the phone. He sniffled again.

"Dal?" Brendon asked

"Yeah Brendon?"

"Th.. Thank you.." He mumbled

"For what? It's not like I was going to fucking leave you alone in your house. Brendon you have nothing to be sorry about."

"I.. Just.. I'm dying, Dallon..I... I have been for a while now.."

"So I've heard." Dallon said, trying to stay as calm as he could

"It's just.. What if this is it, you know? I go in with a.. Fever and... And I come out in a... In a body bag.." His voice shook as he spoke. Dallon shook his head

"That's not going to happen. I know that it won't. Brendon you need to stop thinking like that. Everything's going to be okay. You're going to be okay." Brendon nodded slightly

"Thank.. You, Dal."

"Anytime Bren."

Dallon sped on the icy roads, trying not to freak out. He pulled into the hospital parking lot, picking Brendon up bridal again and making his way into the hospital, where a nurse already had a wheelchair waiting for them.

"Dal, can you come with me?" Brendon asked, his voice small

"Brendon, I don't think I can.."

"Dallon please." He asked, on the verge of tears again.

"Am I allowed to come with him?" Dallon asked the nurse. She smiled

"Usually no, but if it'll make Brendon feel better, then sure." Dallon smiled as he reached for Brendon's hand. Brendon held onto it weakly as he was wheeled down the hallway, Dallon following close behind.

* * *

Dallon sat next to Brendon, who was laying in a hospital bed, pulling at the strings of Dallon's hoodie. The two of them were giggling happily at Brendon's story

"So this cancer patient Daniel is pushing me down the hallway as fast as he can- and he's a sprinter, so he's super fucking fast by the way- he's pushing me down the halls of the upper in-patient wing, and I lost my grip on my IV stand, drop it, and the needle got ripped right out of my fucking hand. There was blood everywhere!" Brendon explained. Dallon's eyes widened "And that's how I got this scar." Brendon said, holding up his left hand. Dallon chuckled

"What kind of cancer did Daniel have?" Dallon asked

"Liver and lungs, but he went into remission a few weeks ago." Brendon said, happily "If everything works out for him, he should be NEC in about a month or so." Dallon smiled

"It's great that you keep in touch with him.." Dallon said. Brendon smiled

"Yeah, he's a great guy, I think the two of you would really hit it off."

Dallon smiled just as Brendon's doctor, Dr. Hall, walked into the room. He smiled at Dallon and Brendon

"Well Brendon, you seems to just have had a nasty case of drug fever. Probably brought on by the new medication we gave you a few days ago when you previously left the hospital. So the good news is we're just going to take you off of those drugs all together."

"And the bad news?" Brendon asked

"We want you to stay here overnight for observation. Just to make sure that it was nothing else."

"Does my mom know?" Brendon asked. Dr. Hall nodded

"She's finishing up with some other patients, but she'll be up soon to check up on you, okay?" Brendon nodded. The doctor gave them one final nod before leaving the two alone in the room once again. Brendon adjusted the tube in his nose that was administering medication to him

"Funny how they fix a problem caused by all these chemicals with more chemicals, huh?"

"You'd think they'd want you off as many meds as possible.." Dallon sighed "Instead they just pump you with more.." Brendon nodded slightly

"The vicious cycle of having a lupus, I guess.." Brendon sighed. He wiggled his nose in discomfort "I swear I've had so many of these tubes shoved up my nose that I could probably put one in myself.."

"How about let's not try and perform medical procedures on ourselves, yeah?" Dallon asked. Brendon smiled up at him, looking into his eyes. He couldn't help but get lost in them.

"I need to stand up." Brendon said suddenly. "I can't take just sitting here."

"Brendon you can't just go for a stroll through the hospital, you almost passed out half an hour ago." Dallon replied

"Can't we just go sit on the couch for a while?" Brendon asked. Dallon rolled his eyes as he walked around to the other side of Brendon's bed. He took both of Brendon's hands and helped him sit at the edge of his bed. His hands were soft, and much smaller than Dallons. They fit so perfectly together. Dallon gave Brendon a small smile as he helped him up. Brendon was slow standing up, and needed lots of support from Dallon to hold him up.

"You good?" Dallon asked. Brendon nodded, concentrating on keeping his balance.

"Does this hospital gown make my bare butt look good?" Brendon asked cockily as Dallon lead him across the room.

"You are a horny little shit, you know that Urie?" Dallon asked. Brendon giggled

"Cut me some slack, I'm dying." Dallon smiled sadly.

"You've got time.." Dallon whispered. They got to the couch and Brendon stumbled as he sat, exhaustion kicking in. Dallon sat next to the smaller boy and he rested his head on Dallon's shoulder.

The door opened and Brendon's mom rushed in, hugging her son.

"Brendon, I am so sorry I wasn't at home with you!" She said into his shoulder.

"It's okay mom, Dallon was with me. He took super good care of me." Brendon said weakly, smiling at Dallon. Dallon smiled back.

"Thank you Dallon." She said, now looking at the both of them. "You're like his guardian angel."

Dallon chuckled. "I guess I kind of am."

Her pager started going crazy suddenly. She checked it and sighed "I'm afraid I have to take this, I'll be back up in a bit, okay?" Grace said, kissing Brendon's forehead. The two nodded and the were once again alone in the hospital room

"Your mom is great." Dallon said. Brendon beamed

"She's amazing." Brendon agreed. Brendon sat himself up a bit, going slightly pale. "Hey Dal?"

"Yeah?" Dallon asked

"Can you get me that vomit bucket please?" Dallon leaned back and got the bucket off the counter in the room, handing it to Brendon.

"Just breath." Dallon soothed as he placed his hand on Brendon's back, rubbing soothing circles into his skin. Brendon's stomach seemed to feel even more uneasy with Dallon rubbing his back. The feeling of excitement at Dallon's touch mixed with the unwellness from the medication caused him to lurch forward puking. Dallon winced, but kept rubbing Brendon's back. "You good?" Dallon asked. Brendon nodded and Dallon took the bucket from him, putting it back on the counter behind him. Brendon leaned on the taller boy's arm. His stomach felt weak close to him.

"How about we get you back to your bed, yeah?" Dallon asked. Brendon nodded and Dallon helped the shaking boy back to his bed. He sat back on his chair next to the bed. He started tracing the lines of Brendon's hand. Brendon smiled at him, gazing at the content look on Dallon's face. The feeling of Dallon's calloused fingers sent shivers throughout his body. But Dallon doesn't think of you that way.. Brendon thought. You two are just good friends

"Your heart line is broken." Dallon whispered. "And very deep."

"What does that mean?" Brendon asked, just as quietly. As if the two were sharing a secret.

"It means that you're often stressed emotionally, have had a stressful life and have suffered from emotional trauma." Dallon replied.

"What about yours?" Brendon asked. Dallon examined his hand for a moment.

"Mine means that I'm sincere, considerate and respectful towards others." Brendon smiled

"You're really good at that." Brendon whispered. "How is it that we've been friends for practically our entire lives and I never knew you read palms?" He asked

"One of my little cousins taught me last August.." Dallon whispered back.

"Can you lay down with me? You're so warm.." Brendon said. Dallon nodded, noticing that Brendon was shivering slightly, and his finger tips were an icy blue colour. Brendon and Dallon laid down on the hospital bed, Brendon's head on Dallon's chest. The feeling of having the small boy so close to him sent shivers down his spine and throughout his body. He couldn't help smiling as he played with a lock of Brendon's hair. Brendon pulled his thin blanket up to his chin, cuddling into Dallon. "Guess we skipped the netflix and went straight to the chill.." Brendon commented

"Well one of us sure did.." Dallon said back. Brendon giggled

"You're the only one who would've thought to make that joke.." He said quietly to Dallon

"What can I say? Terrible jokes are my livelihood." Dallon smiled. "You should get some sleep, you seem pretty tuckered out.." Brendon took a deep breath

"Thank you.." He said, his voice now barely a whisper. "Promise you'll be here if I wake up?" Brendon asked, closing his eyes. Dallon couldn't help but notice that Brendon had said 'if' and not 'when'. He smiled sadly none the less and booped his nose, earning a giggle from the smaller boy.

"I promise, Bren. I promise.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying this. I enjoyed writing it :)


	4. Colours Turned To Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon sat himself up, stifling a sob. Dallon sat up and let Brendon lean his head against his chest. "I don't want to die but I... I want all of this to end. I want all the pain to stop, Dal. It isn't fair.." Brendon sobbed. Dallon rubbed Brendon's back soothingly. Brendon was right. This wasn't fair. Brendon didn't deserve this. He was so kind and loving, what did he do to deserve this?
> 
> "You're so warm.." He whispered. Dallon hugged Brendon a little closer to him. When Brendon was younger he had been so innocent. Up until a certain point in his life he had always seen such good in the world, he always saw positivity when there was none. He was such an optimistic, happy kid. 
> 
> And then he wasn't.

friday, the 22nd of january. 4:46 pm. week 2

"Do you think Josh and Tyler have fucked yet?" Pete asked, blowing a cloud of smoke from between his lips. He passed the joint to Brendon, who rolled his eyes at his friend.

"Please don't get involved in their sex life, I'd rather not think about it." Brendon said, inhaling the soothing smoke into his lungs and digging his shoes into the ground, swinging himself slightly on Pete's old swing set. "But for the record they totally have." He heard Patrick sigh.

"It's kinda hard to draw a moving target, Bren." He said, irritated.

"My apologies, Mr. Stump." Brendon said, stoping himself and handing his joint back to Pete. His knee started bouncing again, and Pete handed the joint back to Brendon

"You clearly need this more than I do.." He said. Brendon took another drag, his nerves calming slightly. He sighed out the smoke, looking at Patrick

"Are you almost done? I'm getting restless.." Brendon complained to the boy sitting at Pete's old picnic table in front of them. He dropped his blue pencil crayon, picking up a red one.

"Almost, just two more minutes.." He said quickly. "I don't blame you though.. I mean I'd be pretty freaked out too if I had to start chemotherapy tomorrow.. You can't seem to catch a break, can you?" Patrick asked, still not moving his eyes from his sketch book.

Brendon groaned, putting the joint in between his lips again. "Don't remind me.." He said, blowing smoke rings into the crisp January air. He passed the joint back to Pete, who took one last puff before stubbing it out on the supports for the swing set.

"Not even two weeks out of the hospital and you're going back... Man, this shit's getting real now.." He said, sadly.

"It's been real my whole life, trying to keep me alive just getting more dire.." Brendon sighed "The worst part is they think they're actually doing me a favour... Sometimes I wish they'd just let me go already..." For the first time in half an hour, Patrick looked up from his drawing.

"You can't mean that.." He whispered. A mix of disbelief, sadness and hurt on his face. It make Brendon feel guilty for even bringing it up.

"I just don't think being pumped with chemicals 24/7 is the best way to live, you know? Like what's the point if I'll be living in a constant state of pain and suffering?" Brendon asked, looking directly at Patrick. "Is that really even living anymore?"

"Wow, so emo of you to say.." Pete whispered, completely serious. It wasn't even really a joke, but Brendon, from being so high, started to laugh hysterically. Pete started laughing too, and soon the two of them were rolling around in the snow, laughing their asses off.

"This is what you get for being friends with stoners, Patrick.. You did this to yourself..." Patrick sighed under his breath. But It wasn't like Brendon and Pete could hear him anyways. Patrick continued colouring his drawing as the boys calmed themselves, which proved to be a difficult task. Every time they started to calm down, they would look at one another and burst out laughing again.

"Pete, Pete, we need to stop! I'm gonna puke!" Brendon laughed. Pete managed to sit himself up, pulling Brendon up with him and hugging him close. He noticed Brendon was shivering from rolling on the cold ground.

"You're wearing seven thousand layers of clothing and you still feel freezing cold, little buddy! It's like 40 degrees today!!" Pete said, hugging Brendon close to him.

Brendon curled up in Pete's arms, leaning into the warmth of his friend. "I'm always cold, dumbass. You know that."

"Don't worry," Pete said cheerfully. "The weed will warm you up soon enough."

"Well it's definitely doing something.." Brendon remarked

"You guys wanna see the drawing?" Patrick called to the two. Pete got up, pulling Brendon up with him and they both made their way to the picnic table where Patrick was. They sat down on the bench, looking at the sketch book in front of them. The picture was of Pete and Brendon, sitting on the old swing set, passing a joint. The picture was black and white except for the multi coloured smoke coming from the joint and and their lips, dissipating into the air. Patrick had also coloured Pete's red hair and the butterfly-shaped rash on Brendon's face that covered his cheeks and the bridge of his nose.

"You made my rashes look artistic, I like it." Brendon said, impressed.

"Yeah Patty Cake, you really outdid yourself.." Pete agreed. Patrick sighed

"You know I don't like that nickname.." He grumbled. Pete took off his hat, kissing the top of his head and adjusting the hat back on his head.

"But it's a cute one. And that's all that matters." Brendon checked the time on his phone and sighed, standing from the bench he was sitting on.

"I gotta go guys, Dallon's coming over to help me with some homework."

"Alright. You think you'll be at school this week at all?" Patrick asked.

Brendon put his freezing hands in his pockets and shrugged. "Not sure. I don't know how my body's gonna react to the first few rounds of chemo, but I'll text you guys." Patrick nodded. Pete kept looking at the picture of Brendon and himself in awe, lightly tracing the carefully drawn lines with his finger.

"Good luck tomorrow, okay? And don't stress about it too much. You can always call me if you wanna talk.." Patrick told Brendon. Patrick was being genuine, as always.

Brendon smiled softly at the offer. Patrick's a good friend. "Thanks, Pat. I'll see you later."

"See ya,"

Brendon let himself out of Pete's backyard and began walking down the sidewalk to his house. As he was walking, he could see Dallon, out walking Zero. Brendon walked a little faster to catch up to him. "Hey!" He shouted. Dallon turned to look at him, smiling. Zero ran up to Brendon and jumped up, demanding attention. Brendon picked the small dog up, scratching him under his chin.

"Hey! I was just taking Zero out before heading over to your place. I just have to let him back into the yard." Dallon said. The two of them started walking back to Dallon's place.

"You okay?" Dallon asked after a while. Brendon turned to his taller friend, smiling

"Yeah, yeah I'm great.." Brendon said, putting Zero down, letting him run slightly ahead of them. Dallon studied Brendon, but quickly washed any suspicion from his face. Brendon could still see a hint of concern on his face.

"Alright.." He said simply. They got to Dallon's place and let Zero into his backyard, and continued on to Brendon's place. "Is your mom going to be home?" Dallon asked. Brendon shook his head.

"My mom's working a shift at the hospital. She's not gonna be home until pretty late, but she gave me some extra money for us to get takeout." Brendon smiled

Dallon and Brendon both shared a glance towards one another as the entered the house. Dallon had that look on his face that Brendon couldn't distinguish on his face again. The boys undressed made their way upstairs and spread their homework on the floor. They went at it for a good hour and a half before Brendon sighed, pushing his textbook away from him.

"Let's take a break." He said.

Dallon closed his textbook. "Alright." Brendon moved himself from the floor and sat on his bed, motioning for Dallon to follow. He did, sitting next to Brendon, who rested his head on the taller boy's shoulder. "Really Brendon, are you okay? You seem off today.."

"I've never understood why this rash is called a butterfly rash?" Brendon said, sitting up and outlining the rash. "Like, it bothers me. I've always liked to think of it a a phoenix."

"There's something else bothering you, what is it?" Dallon asked "Something's eating at you, I can tell." Brendon sighed, looking up at Dallon.

"I'm starting chemo tomorrow, I'm just a little nervous..." Brendon said quietly.

"Is it for..?"

"No, no not for cancer." Brendon finished. "Or at least not yet anyways... But in all honesty I wouldn't be surprised if it gave me cancer.." Brendon grumbled under his breath.

"Is that why you're so high?" Dallon asked.

Brendon plopped himself on his bed, laying on his back and looking up at the angled ceiling. "Maybe.." He sighed

Dallon copied his action, laying next to him. Brendon's heart skipped a beat "I could smell you from a mile away."

"I guess... It's just kinda.. A lot to take in, you know? This is a last resort treatment for me, it's gotten to a point where we've tried anything we can think of.. We're just gonna keep pumping me with drugs until I.." He turned his head, not wanting to finish that sentence. He was looking directly at Dallon "I know I shouldn't be scared, I've been doing this my whole life.." Brendon muttered, wiping his eyes.

"Hey," Dallon said, turning to Brendon. Brendon felt his stomach flip as Dallon spoke "You're allowed to be scared. Chemo is some really serious shit, I'd be freaking out, too." Dallon soothed.

Brendon sat himself up, stifling a sob. Dallon sat up and let Brendon lean his head against his chest. "I don't want to die but I... I want all of this to end. I want all the pain to stop, Dal. It isn't fair.." Brendon sobbed. Dallon rubbed Brendon's back soothingly. Brendon was right. This wasn't fair. Brendon didn't deserve this. He was so kind and loving, what did he do to deserve this?

"You're so warm.." He whispered. Dallon hugged Brendon a little closer to him. When Brendon was younger he had been so innocent. Up until a certain point in his life he had always seen such good in the world, he always saw positivity when there was none. He was such an optimistic, happy kid.

And then he wasn't.

"I'm gonna loose all the hair that hasn't already fallen out." Brendon sobbed quietly.

"Well maybe you'll grow up and become Lex Luthor. That'd be fun."

Brendon chuckled, trying to ignore the 'growing up' part of his statement. "I just don't know if I can rock being bald, you know?" He said, looking up at Dallon. _Why don't I know what that face is?_ Brendon wondered. _What are you thinking, Dallon?_

"I'll take you hat shopping. You look great in hats." Dallon said, grinning

Brendon nodded at the offer, pulling at a lock of hair. "Not as good as Patrick." He smiled. "But I do need some new beanies." He commented, smiling. Dallon smiled back.

"So it's just gonna be you and your mom tomorrow?" Dallon asked.

Brendon shook his head. "Spencer's coming with me. My mom's gonna be there, but she's gonna be working and coming to check up on me."

"I haven't seen Spencer in a while, how it he?"

"Oh! He's doing well. His job at the animal hospital is great, really well paying and he loves it." Brendon smiled

"God, he's so lucky he got a job basically right out of college. And an apartment, too."

"He's living the dream.." Brendon sighed. He knew that would never be him. He'll never live that long and even if he does, he doubted he'd be well enough to work. Let alone go to college in the first place.

They were both silent for a moment before Dallon spoke again. "Text me when you get back home, okay?" He asked, putting his hand on Brendon's bony shoulder. Brendon almost shivered with excitement at the touch. "Just so that I know you're alright."

Brendon laid himself down across his bed again. "Alright, but for now can we just take a nap? I need to forget about all this for a while.." He mumbled.

Dallon laid down and rested Brendon's head on his chest like a pillow, sighing at the calmness he emoted. "Alright... And for the record, that rash does look like a phoenix." Dallon remarked.

Brendon chuckled. "Right? I don't get how no one sees it!"

"It can be our thing. Our spirit animal can be a phoenix." Dallon suggested.

"A symbol for our relationship. I like it.." Brendon agreed. "But just to be clear, I get custody if we split up."

Dallon chuckled, enjoying the feeling of Brendon next to him. "Sleep tight.." He whispered.

All of the sudden, Brendon felt sad. Having Dallon so close to him... It was painful. This was all it would ever be between them. Platonic. It hurt to want to embrace Dallon, to want to kiss him, hold him, have him, knowing it would destroy the relationship -the _friendship_ \- they had built over the course of seventeen years. His chest felt heavy, knowing that Dallon would never accept his feelings. He would run the other way as fast as he could, leaving Brendon to wallow away what little time he had left all alone.

There were only two ways Brendon was going to live the rest of his short life. Hiding his true feelings from his best friend, or telling him, and being broken hearted and alone..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an interesting one to write. Just the right amount of feels and jokes. Hope you enjoyed!


	5. The IV And Your Hospital Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you need a breather or do you just wanna get right into it?" Brooke asked.
> 
> Brendon sighed sadly. "Let's just get it over with."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the things I should've mentioned at the beginning of this book and never did: I have never had any sort of experience with this disease. I'm not a medical professional. Everything I've put in this story is either based on experiences I've had with some of the procedures mentioned or from research. If something is inaccurate, please let me know so I can fix it. I've tried to research everything and make this as medically accurate as possible, but I might've missed a thing or two. So if you are a medical professional or have this disease/know someone with it and notice I've made a mistake, please let me know :)

saturday, the 23rd of january. 7:23 am. week 2

"How are you feeling?" Spencer asked Brendon. Brendon was sitting in his hospital bed, awaiting his nurses to come and start his first session of chemo. Spencer was sitting in his bed with him, letting Brendon lean his head on his shoulder.

Brendon fiddled with his central line port nervously. "Nervous. Scared. A little nauseous." He admitted. "Oh god Spencer this is actually happening." He whispered breathlessly.

Spencer pulled the smaller boy closer to him supportively. "If I could take your place I would. Holy hell you know I would. In a heartbeat." Spencer told Brendon solemnly.

Brendon smiled softly, shuddering "But you can't. I have to do this... God Spencer I'm getting chemotherapy.." He breathed.

Spencer sighed, rubbing Brendon's arm. "How long did they say this was going to take again?" Spencer asked

"Two and a half hours." Brendon replied softly.

Spencer continued rubbing Brendon's arm supportively. "Just breath, buddy. This is gonna be over soon and then we can go home and eat ice cream, yeah?"

A small smile appeared on Brendon's face. "Sounds like a plan."

The door opened and two nurses came in, followed by Brendon's mom. Aaliyah and Brooke gave Brendon warm smiles. Brendon smiled back softly. "Has the medication we gave had enough time to settle?" Aaliyah asked him

Brendon nodded. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

Brooke smiled at Brendon warmly. "Don't worry Brendon, I'm the best chemotherapy specialist in this hospital." She winked and Brendon smiled. "Your mother requested only the top medical professionals for your care."

Everyone smiled. Spencer moved himself to the chair next to Brendon's bed as Aaliyah and Brooke started preparing the drugs. Brendon could see the sadness they tried to hide as they worked. Brooke sat on a stool next to Brendon's bed. She held up a circular container filled with a clear liquid. The thick medical gloves and protective gear she had to use to handle the container scared Brendon.

"So, this is the first drug we're going to give you today. It's pretty strong, so I'm going to be honest with you, it's not pleasant. It's going to feel weird going into your body, probably uncomfortable, it might feel hot, but that's normal. We're gonna give you the stronger one first, this is gonna take about an hour give or take to get all of this in your system. If you feel like throwing up, Spencer's gonna give you something to throw up in, right bud?" Brendon looked over at Spencer who reached behind him for a small bucket.

Brendon smiled as Brooke continued. "Now, you're probably going to experience lots of different side effects I told you about earlier, so just make sure that we know how you're feeling so that we can help you, alright?" Brendon nodded. "You ready to start or do you need another minute alone?" Brooke asked

"I think I'm ready. If we wait any longer I might try to jump out the window or something." Brendon joked.

"One of the best things you can have in here is a sense of humour." Brooke smiled as she and Aaliyah went to work. They connected the small container to the with the machine, hooking it up to Brendon's central line. Then they placed an IV so he would stay hydrated. "I'm gonna start it up, okay?" Brooke asked. Brendon closed his eyes and grabbed Spencer's hand, nodding slightly.

He heard the machine click and start beeping. He held Spencer's hand a bit tighter when he felt the seemingly hot liquid run through him. He let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes tighter.

" _hOh_ my god." He breathed, pain in his voice. His chest felt like it was on fire, and he could feel the drug burning through his veins. He whimpered, starting to shiver slightly. "Oh my god." He squeaked, letting out the breath he'd been holding.

"You're doing great, hun." He heard Aaliyah tell him.

Brendon opened his eyes and looked at her in a face of pain mixed with surprise. "Am I?"

Aaliyah chuckled. "You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, Brendon."

Brendon smiled weakly before wincing again. He swallowed, feeling tears start to form. "Is it supposed to hurt this much?" He asked, his voice strained and high pitched.

"They had to give you a really strong drug, honey. It's going to be uncomfortable." Brendon heard his mom reply. He opened his eyes again and looked at her sitting in front of him, trying to smile. He knew how much she hated having to put other children through this kind of stuff, he couldn't even begin to imagine what it must be like to have to put her own son through it. He could clearly see the pain she was trying to hide from him.

"We can give you a little morphine to see if that'll make you more comfortable. Would you like that, hun?" Aaliyah asked. Brendon nodded through teary eyes. He closed his eyes again, the feeling of the acid like liquid running through him only seeming to intensify. A sob escaped his lips, and Spencer gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"There, you should start to feel that really soon, okay? You're doing a fantastic job Brendon." Brooke soothed next to him. Brendon nodded, shivering harder now. "Are you feeling cold?" Brooke asked. Brendon nodded again.

"I'll go get you a blanket." Aaliyah suggested. "Hang in there hun." Brendon heard the door open and close.

He took a deep breath. "Can I.. I lay down?" He asked sleepily. He felt his bed lower and his limbs became heavy. He felt Spencer's hand running through his thinning hair as his body relaxed.

"Just go to sleep Bren. We'll be here when you wake up." Spencer whispered. Brendon whimpered, scared of what would happen if he was asleep. "Nothing bad will happen, I promise." Spencer said, reading his thoughts.

"No, don't- don't say that." Brendon whimpered. "You can't promise that, the possibility of something going wrong is _very_ high when it come to me."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, but you really need some sleep." Spencer pressed. "We had to get here really early, I know you're tired.." Brendon nodded slightly. He whimpered again as he felt another wave of chemicals run through his body. His body tensed and a high pitched squeak escaped his lips.

"I can't do this." Brendon whimpered. "It's too much we need to stop I can't do this!" His voice was strangled and he sobbed, his body shaking.

"Yes you can Brendon, you're doing so well!" Brooke encouraged. Spencer kept rubbing circles into his clenched hand with his thumb, not even complaining at how tight his grip was. He could hear whispering and the door opening again, the sound of his mothers heels clicking down the hallway. He didn't blame her for leaving, he couldn't imagine how he would handle this situation if he was in her shoes.

The door opened again. "How're you holding up hun?" Aaliyah asked. He felt a blanket being draped over his shaking body.

"It- it's too much." Brendon cried. "I can't- it's too- make it stop!" He whimpered out, sobbing again.

"The morphine's gonna kick in soon, just try to relax hun." Aaliyah soothed. Brendon nodded, tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Spencer, I'm so sorry.." Brendon apologized, whimpering.

Spencer looked down at the small boy, staggered. "Brendon, you have nothing to be sorry for! What are you apologizing for?"

Brendon let out another sob. "You have to sit here and- and see me in pain and you- you-" Brendon let out another groan as yet another wave of pain shot through his body. "I'm sorry you have to see this."

Spencer shushed the flustered boy. "Just go to sleep, Brendon. You'll feel so much better, okay?" Brendon nodded, wincing at the pain in his chest. He didn't fight as sleep took over his weak and tired body...

* * *

Brendon's eyes shot open just as soon as they had closed. He looked around frantically, pain starting to return to his body.

"Woah woah woah, Brendon calm down." He heard Spencer's calm voice. He looked up at his green eyes, they looked back at him soothingly. "You wanna sit up?" He asked. Brendon nodded and Spencer raised his bed. Brendon noticed that he had a large, forest green blanket draped over him. Yet he still felt chilly.

"How long was I out?" Brendon asked weakly.

"About an hour or so. You're almost done with the first drug." Spencer explained. Brendon cried out softly at the pain in his chest, the feeling of the burning drug coursing through his veins returning. His stomach started to feel uneasy, and he felt warmth running up his throat.

"Spence, I-" Brendon wasn't even able to mutter the whole sentence before vomit was coming out of his mouth. Spencer reacted quickly, able to catch the next wave with the bucket. Spencer held it close to Brendon as he spewed whatever was in his stomach, which wasn't much to begin with. Spencer had already hit the call button, and a few seconds later Aaliyah and Brooke were walking into the room. Brooke came and sat on her stool next to Brendon's bed while Aaliyah went to get a new blanket.

"This is usually what happens when people sleep through chemo for the first time, you end up waking up feeling pretty shitty." Brooke said empathetically. Brendon was surprised that she had swore. "Don't worry about it, it gets better the more you do it."

"Like sex?" Spencer asked.

Brooke chuckled. "That's one way of putting it." Brendon wanted to smile, but he gagged again. The machine beeped in a different tone and Brooke smiled. "One down, one to go." She cheered, rubbing Brendon's back. "You're doing an amazing job, kid." Brendon nodded, taking a shaky breath.

"Okay," Brendon breathed. "I'm done." Brooke took the sick bucket and washed it in the sink before giving it back to Spencer. Aaliyah walked back into the room with a new blanket, this time it was a dark seafoam green.

Brendon pointed to Spencer when she removed the soiled blanket from his bed and replaced it with the new one. "The blanket matches your eyes." He smiled, his voice hoarse.

Spencer smiled back. "I think Aaliyah planned it that way. Right?"

Aaliyah chuckled softly. "The boy has me all figured out."

Brendon's smile wavered, and he leaned his head on Spencer's shoulder. "Spence, can we go home now?"

Spencer sat on Brendon's bed, bringing him into a soft hug. "Not yet bud, you still need to have your second round of chemo.."

Brendon let out an exhausted groan. That nap only seemed to make him more tired than he was before. Brooke sat next to Brendon, showing him the second container of chemo. This time it was blue.

"So this is the second drug you're gonna get today, alright? It's much weaker than the first one, but it's still gonna feel pretty weird going into ya. You might also feel some back or side pain, but that's normal, alright?" Brendon nodded. Brooke leaned in close to him. "It might also turn you pee blue, so don't freak out if that happens, alright?" Brendon chuckled softly, but nodded anyways. "Do you need a breather or do you just wanna get right into it?" Brooke asked.

Brendon sighed sadly. "Let's just get it over with."

Brooke smiled warmly. "You're a trooper, Brendon." She and Aaliyah went to work, disconnecting the previous tubes from his port and attaching the new ones, clicking the new drug container into place, and changing his IV fluids bag. Spencer moved back into his chair, again holding Brendon's left hand.

"Ready for round two?" Brendon nodded sadly. The machine clicked and beeped to life, and this time Brendon watched intensely as the blue liquid slowly make its way from the small container, through the tube into his body. He shivered when he finally felt the liquid in his veins. It wasn't really as painful as it was just cold. As if he was being pumped with ice water.

"I feel like it's freezing me from the inside out." Brendon whispered, pulling his blanket up. Spencer helped his adjust the blanket around him. It didn't seem to help much. "Spence," Brendon whimpered. Spencer picked up on his tone immediately, moving himself next to Brendon on his bed again.

Spencer draped his arm around Brendon, pulling him close and letting Brendon rest his head on his shoulder. "Sucks pretty bad, huh?" Brendon nodded. "Only an hour left, bub. I know you can do it." Spencer cooed.

"We're gonna head out," Aaliyah called to the two boys. "Just call if you need anything."

"Thanks. We will." Spencer replied as the two left them alone.

Brendon buried his face under his blanket, whimpering. "This is torture." His voice was hoarse and high pitched, he was almost crying. "And I need to come back in two weeks and do this again? I can't do this again, Spence.." He cried softly "I can't. I give up."

Spencer rubbed his arm, pulling the blanket down a bit so Brendon could look at him. "Your friends would miss you an awful lot if you gave up." Spencer said, his voice soft and gentle. "And what about those two dogs at the hospital you love so much? What are their names again..?" Spencer asked cockily, pretending to forget their names

Brendon gave a small laugh. "Penny Lane and Bogart." He answered softly.

Spencer snapped his fingers. "That's it! I always forget!" He rested his head on top of Brendon's. "Look, I'm not going to pretend I know what you're going through, I don't. And if I were in your situation I'd want to give up, too. Most anyone would. I'm just reminding you that you have a fantastic support system who always has been and who will always continue to help you through this. You have great friends, an amazing mother, and hey, if you do decide enough's enough, you have an amazing dad waiting to watch all the sunrises and the sunsets in the world with you. I bet he even sits in Helios's chariot with him as he pulls the sun across the sky."

Brendon felt himself tearing up at the mention of his father. "Thank you, Spencer." He whispered.

"Anytime, bud." Spencer sighed. "Anytime." The door opened again and Brendon's Doctor entered the room. He smiled, but there was no joy in it. Brendon knows facial expressions. He's seen them all. And the smile plastered on Dr. Hall's face held no happiness.

"How's my favourite patient?" He asked as he sat at the foot of Brendon's bed.

"Doctors say that to everyone, it doesn't mean anything." Brendon mumbled.

Dr. Hall only smiled, this time a hint of amusement in it. "Brendon you are one of my oldest patients, I've known you all your life. I've gotten to see you grow up and mature, I've gotten to know you. The real you. More than any of my other patients. That's why you're my favourite."

Brendon tried to smile, but instead winced as he felt another wave of chemicals run through him. That fake smile returned to Dr. Hall's face, the one trying to hide sadness.

"So how are you holding up, Brendon?" He asked, his voice comforting but sad.

Brendon sniffled. "It hurts." He choked out. "Everything hurts."

Dr. Hall nodded. "Well Aaliyah and Brooke told me that you've been very brave." Like I haven't hear that one before.. Brendon thought, mentally rolling his eyes. Brendon never blamed Dr. Hall for saying these kind of things though, most of his patients are young kids, so he's basically programmed to say this kind of stuff.

Brendon sighed. "Is it gonna feel like this every time?" Brendon asked, feeling small.

Dr. Hall shook his head. "You'll build up a pain tolerance eventually." He said in a hushed tone. "After a while it won't really hurt so much as it will just feel numbing. Like being given morphine if morphine caused pain instead of making it disappear. It'll be uncomfortable, but numb. Does that make sense?" Brendon nodded, wondering how he was able to give such a detailed answer. He knows that Dr. Hall has been a doctor for almost 25 years if he recalls correctly, but usually doctors don't give such descriptive answers to those types of questions. Maybe that's just how everyone describes it.

"Do you need anything?" Dr. Hall asked. Brendon shook his head no. "Alright, if you need me for anything, just ask for me and I'll be over as soon as I can." Brendon nodded, grimacing as another small wave of pain shot through him. "And I know you hear this all the time, but you really are a remarkable and brave young man." His smile was warm now, and Brendon found himself smiling back.

"Thank you." Brendon squeaked. His throat was sore and talking hurt. Dr. Hall gently patted Brendon's knee before standing.

"Hang in there, buddy. You're almost done for today." He said as he left the room. _If only today would be the end of this.._ Brendon thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize I'm probably playing up how painful that was, but hey, dramatic effect and all that. This hurt to write, but I'm glad we got past it. Hope you enjoyed!


	6. Hey, Moon? Please Forget To Fall Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another round of coughs, and Dallon rubbed his back. That was the worst part of all of this. Dallon. He wanted nothing more than to embrace him, love him, kiss him. But he knew he would end the longest friendship he's ever had. He'd loose his best friend. And even if he knew that Dallon would accept his feelings -which were slim chances in the first place- Brendon's dying. He can't confess his feelings to his friend only to die and leave him to grieve the love they never shared.
> 
> He cares about Dallon way too much to do that to him.

_"Brendon, I may not be around for much longer. This might be my last chance to tell you this. Tell you how- how much I love you. You are the best son I could've ever asked for Brendon. I mean that with all my heart. You're the strongest kid I've ever met, and I know you'll continue to be strong, right? You'll be strong for your mom, and you'll be strong for yourself. You're going to grow up and do so many amazing things, I just know it. Oh Brendon, I can already see you in that graduation cap, a degree in your hand and a huge smile on your face. Hey, hey don't cry.. This isn't the last time I'll see you buddy, I promise. I'll see you again soon.... Here, I want you to take this... And promise me one thing, Brendon. You don't have to be a perfect kid, you don't have to be an A+ student who never does drugs, Hell you don't even need to stay in school for all I care. Just promise me you won't stop creating music. It will take you to so many wonderful things in life, it'll bring you such joy. Please, please never stop. You have such a natural gift, it would be truly tragic for you to give it up. Hey.. Brendon don't cry buddy, I'm right here. I'll always be here. With you. Stay strong for me kid, I know you have it in you to keep living... I love you, Brendon.. So, so much.."_

sunday, the 24th of january. 2:47 am. week 3.

Brendon's eyes shot open, his breathing ragged. Hail was hitting the window forcefully, sounding like bullets against his windows. Brendon tried to sit himself up on his bed, wincing at the pain that shot through his entire body. He coughed, his chest burning. He felt like he was falling apart.

He reached over to his nightstand and got his laptop. He opened up Skype and clicked on Dallon's contact. He needed Dallon right now. Brendon sat nervously as he stared at his image on camera. His hair was disheveled, his face was pained and tired, his chapped lips hidden by the medical mask he was forced to wear. He saw the text at the bottom of the screen change from 'calling' to 'connecting' and held his breath.

"Bren?" Dallon asked. His voice was riddled with sleep and he looked just about as bad as Brendon did. Just not as sick.

"Dal, I had the dream again."

All of the sudden Dallon was wide awake. "Brendon are you okay?"

"Dal I miss him.." Brendon said, his voice shaking. "I miss him so much Dallon."

"Just sit tight Brendon I'll be over in fifteen minutes." Dallon said, getting up from his bed.

"Wait! Dallon don't hang up I don't wanna be alone." Brendon whimpered. He coughed and Dallon winced. It sounded downright painful.

Dallon nodded his head. "Alright, let me call you on my phone okay? I'm gonna take a shower and change my cloths and carrying my laptop will just slow me down. Okay?" Brendon nodded, watching as Dallon reached for his phone. He felt his own phone buzz and picked it up. "I'm gonna hang up the Skype call now, okay?" His voice echoed as he spoke, their phones faster than the video call in this awful storm. Brendon nodded again. The laptop camera went black and their text conversations over Skype replaced Dallon's face.

"Can you hear me?" Dallon asked.

"I need a hug." Brendon sniffled. He felt so vulnerable and alone.

"I'll be over to hug you as soon as I can, Bren." Dallon soothed. Brendon could hear Dallon walking around on the other line. He heard his shower turn on.

"Are- Are you gonna take a shower?" Brendon asked.

"I'm just gonna take a quick shower and put on some fresh cloths so I don't get you sick. I know your immune system is probably all out of whack right now."

"Don't get your phone wet." Brendon sniffled, stifling a cough.

Dallon chuckled. "I'll try not to Bren."

"Do you remember a couple summers ago when we were down by the creek? And we were walking through the- the water and you had your phone wedged in your boot and forgot it was there?"

"You still remember that?" Dallon asked as he stepped into the shower. Brendon coughed over the line.

"It was funny." He coughed again, his throat sore. One of the seemingly endless side effects of chemotherapy. "Dal," He whimpered

"I know you're feeling really crappy, Bren." Dallon cooed. "I'm so sorry."

Brendon coughed again. "It's not your fault, Dal." He rasped. He sniffled, his head starting to pound. He pulled his knees to his chest, balancing his phone on his knees.

"I just wish I could get rid of your pain. It kills me when you're in pain. How're you holding up?" He asked.

"My head hurts, Dal." Brendon whimpered. "Everything hurts."

"I'll be over soon, Bren. Just hold on." Brendon felt a dull pain in his lower back, but he felt frozen in place. He wanted to move so badly, but the darkness in his room and the sound of the frozen rain outside seemed to close in on him, choke him. He felt so alone.

Hours seemed to pass before Dallon spoke again. "Bren? You still with me? I'm on my way now, hang on."

Brendon nodded before remembering Dallon couldn't see him. "Okay." He whispered. He heard Dallon exiting his house, the roar of the rain and him starting his car over the phone. "What if your parents find out?" Brendon asked quietly.

"I left them a note, they'll understand." Dallon explained. "Besides, it's not like I haven't done this before." He's right. He's come over to Brendon's during the night before. It wasn't really sneaking out, his parents are very easy going, compassionate people. They've never questioned when Brendon has needed support from Dallon.

Brendon heard his front door open. He heard Dallon walking up the creaky stairs to his room. "Brendon.." Dallon mumbled as he approached the bed. He wrapped his long arms around Brendon. Brendon felt tears forming in his eyes.

"Dallon it was different this time." Brendon whispered, finally letting out a sob.

"How was it different?" Dallon asked calmly.

Brendon didn't want to say it. He sobbed again and took a deep breath. "I didn't see his face. Dallon he's been gone for so long I don't even remember what he looks like!" Brendon sobbed. Dallon shushed the hysterical boy.

"Shh, Brendon, you'll wake your mom up." Brendon nodded, trying to calm himself. "Here you need to lay down." Dallon said. Brendon nodded and Dallon leaned against the headboard of Brendon's bed, letting the boy rest his head on his lap. Brendon hugged one of Dallon's legs, his tears staining Dallon's pant leg.

"What if I forget about him? What if I forget all about him?" Brendon asked. "I've had memory loss before Dallon, what if one day I can't remember the sound of his voice?" Dallon ran his fingers through Brendon's hair, a few strands coming out with his hand. "Or that he even existed? What if I forget about my own dad?"

"That won't happen Brendon." Dallon soothed. Brendon coughed violently, his small body shaking.

"Dal," Brendon rasped "This is too much." He coughed again. He sobbed as Dallon rubbed his back.

"Do you want some water?" Dallon asked. Brendon shook his head, coughing again.

"I want this to end." Brendon whimpered. His voice sounded terrible. "I want all of this to just-" His body shook with more coughs. "I want this to end."

Dallon simply ran his hand up and down his back as Brendon sobbed. "I'm sorry, Brendon. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. You don't deserve this." Dallon whispered. Brendon coughed again, and Dallon sat him up so he could catch his breath. Brendon brought his hands to his throat, the coughs becoming more violent. His throat felt beyond dry at this point. He felt Dallon get up from his bed and walk into the bathroom. He faintly heard water running.

"Drink." Dallon said as he sat next to Brendon. Brendon slid his medical mask down his face and drank, welcoming the relief the cool liquid provided.

"Thanks." Brendon rasped, sliding his mask over his mouth and nose again. Dallon put the cup on Brendon's bedside table and the two of them laid down under Brendon's covers, Brendon snuggled against his chest. He coughed again and Dallon pulled him a bit closer.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Not your fault." Brendon whispered back. And really it wasn't. Brendon knew that Dallon knew he had nothing to be sorry for. It's not like it was Dallon's fault he immune system was failing him.

If he were to be cruelly honest it was his parents fault.

"You should get some sleep, Bren." Dallon said, yawning. "You need sleep."

Brendon hugged Dallon a bit tighter, wishing Dallon would kiss him. Somehow that would make this more okay. "Thank you for coming." Brendon whispered. "I know I woke you up."

"Anytime." Dallon replied. "I'm always here when you need me."

"You don't have to be." Brendon reminded him.

"I want to be."

"I know it's annoying"

"It's not."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault." Brendon could hear the smile in Dallon's voice as he said that. He coughed again, groaning.

"I feel like I'm dying." Brendon whispered. "I'm a talking corps."

"I'm pretty sure corpses don't have grips this tight." Dallon remarked. Brendon realized how tight his grip on the taller boy was.

"Oh! Sorry." Brendon mumbled.

"No no, it's fine. It's nice, I know you're here. Like, here here. You know?" Brendon nodded against his chest. He knew all too well. Sometimes after Brendon would get back from a long hospital stay he'd be completely out of it. Sometimes for days. Just sitting, staring at walls and ceilings, too weak or on too much medication to function. The days all blur together and turn into a haze in his memory whenever he thinks back to them. That was probably why he didn't want to go back to sleep. He was tired beyond belief, but he knew when he woke up he'd be alive, but dead. Unable to function.

Another round of coughs, and Dallon rubbed his back. That was the worst part of all of this. Dallon. He wanted nothing more than to embrace him, love him, kiss him. But he knew he would end the longest friendship he's ever had. He'd loose his best friend. And even if he knew that Dallon would accept his feelings -which were slim chances in the first place- Brendon's dying. He can't confess his feelings to his friend only to die and leave him to grieve the love they never shared.

He cares about Dallon way too much to do that to him.

"I'm going to wake up a vegetable tomorrow." Brendon whispered as the hail continued to pelt the earth forcefully.

"You need to veg out for a few days." Dallon replied. "You went through a lot yesterday." I nodded against his chest, sighing.

"Thanks." He whispered, exhaustion washing over him.

"No problem." He whispered back. This would be the time when he would kiss me, Brendon thought. And him whispering 'I love you.' being the last thing I hear before I drift off. But it never happened. Dallon felt stiff and completely indifferent. Brendon focused on the feeling of his lungs in his chest as he lay in his bed, trying to appreciate these last few moments of genuine consciousness. The sound of the rain against the window was all he heard as sleep finally took over his weak and broken body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little on the shorter side, but I really do hope you guys are enjoying reading this, I'm enjoying writing it, even if I shed a few tears.


	7. The Drugs Just Make Me Reset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dallon's eyes widened. "Are you in pain?" He asked. Brendon blushed and shook his head, trying not to smile. Dallon seemed even more concerned. "Bren, you're getting really red.." He remarked.
> 
> "Hey, you two doing okay?" Spencer asked as he entered the living room with a tall glass of water.
> 
> "Can we check Brendon's temperature again? His face is getting really red." Dallon said, worry in his voice. Brendon almost rolled his eyes. His fever wasn't rising, Dallon was just so innocently irresistible.
> 
> But obviously he wasn't going to say that.

sunday, january 24th. 3:54 pm. week 3

"Bren? You still here bud?" Spencer asked, ruffling his messy hair. Brendon lifted his heavy eyelids and looked up at him. Spencer smiled sadly. "I know you wanna go to sleep but I can't let you until your fever breaks. I'm sorry bud." Brendon shifted in discomfort, his entire body hurt. Sleep was the one thing he wanted but he knew the dangers of him falling asleep with such a high fever. Spencer sat next to him on the couch and felt his cheek. His hand felt like ice on Brendon's burning skin, a feeling he welcomed.

"I'm so tired.." Brendon rasped, his voice barely a whisper.

"I know, bud, I know.." Spencer replied sadly. Brendon focused on Spencer's face. A mix of sadness, pity and blame was written all over it.

"Don't blame yourself for this.." Brendon whispered. "This isn't your fault."

Spencer smiled sadly. "You always know what I'm thinking, don't you?" Brendon returned the smile. His smile quickly fell and he grimaced, a dull pain shooting through his head. Spencer frowned.

"Brendon if your fever doesn't break soon we're gonna have to go to the hospital.." He said sadly. Brendon coughed weakly and shook his head. "I know you don't want to but you've been feeling like this for an hour and a half, I just don't want you getting any worse."

"Can... Dal come over?" Brendon asked quietly, his eyes starting to close. Spencer placed his hand on Brendon's cheek again, and Brendon's eyes opened reluctantly.

Spencer nodded. "I'll go give his parents a call. Don't close your eyes, okay?" Brendon nodded his head. He watched Spencer make his was from the living room to the kitchen. He heard Spencer pick up the phone and the beeps of the numbers being punched in. He faintly heard Spencer talking with Dallon's mom as his eyes began to close again. When he opened them Spencer was suddenly next to him. "He'll be here in ten minutes, can you hold on until then?" He asked. Brendon nodded sleepily.

Spencer smiled sadly and ran his cool fingers through Brendon's sweaty hair. It felt nice. His eyes began to droop.

Blink.

Brendon now had a medical mask on. Spencer was walking in from the kitchen with a wet rag.

Blink.

Spencer was sitting next to him. The doorbell rang and Spencer got up to answer it.

Blink.

Dallon was suddenly next to him, calling his name softly. Relief washed over his face when Brendon's eyes fell on his. Brendon could see a few snowflakes melting into his hair. It must be snowing outside.

"I thought you fell asleep on me." He said, a small smile on his perfect lips. Brendon smiled a little too, but was overcome by weak, chesty coughs. Dallon's smile wavered as he brushed a lock of hair from his face. Brendon whimpered at the touch. Dallon's eyes widened. "Are you in pain?" He asked. Brendon blushed and shook his head, trying not to smile. Dallon seemed even more concerned. "Bren, you're getting really red.." He remarked.

"Hey, you two doing okay?" Spencer asked as he entered the living room with a tall glass of water.

"Can we check Brendon's temperature again? His face is getting really red." Dallon said, worry in his voice. Brendon almost rolled his eyes. His fever wasn't rising, Dallon was just so innocently irresistible.

But obviously he wasn't going to say that.

"Here, let's see." Spencer said, kneeling next to Brendon with a thermometer in hand. Brendon reluctantly pulled the mask down and Spencer placed the device under his tongue. Brendon recoiled, the sensation of the metal nub under his tongue unpleasant and odd. "I know bud, I'm sorry." Spencer whispered, rubbing Brendon's arm. The small device beeped and Spencer removed it from Brendon's mouth, pulling the medical mask back over his mouth and nose. He shook his head. "His temperature hasn't changed." He concluded. "Maybe he's just happy to see you." He smirked, and Brendon made a shitty attempt to punch his arm.

"Oh, you're happy to see me?" Dallon asked. Brendon chuckled weakly before yawning. Dallon frowned.

"Are you sure we can't let him just go to sleep?" Dallon asked. "Doesn't sleep help the body heal?"

Spencer shook his head. "He's already lethargic due to the other meds he's on, I know he's feeling really drowsy, but if we let him fall asleep it's going to be a lot harder to know when his fever breaks. He's been like this for about an hour and a half already, if his fever doesn't break soon we're gonna have to take him to the ER, and it's much easier to tell when the fever breaks if he's awake." Dallon nodded, looking sadly at Brendon. "I'm gonna be in the kitchen," Spencer said. "Just yell if you need me." Dallon nodded and the two watched spencer go.

Dallon started pinching at Brendon's bare toes, causing Brendon to giggle."Is this keeping you awake?" Dallon asked. Brendon nodded, still giggling. Dallon looked at Brendon, that unreadable expression on his face again. He wondered what the hell Dallon was giving him that look for all the time, and what it meant.

"Hey.. Did... Did you come over.. Last night?" Brendon asked, his speech slurred slightly. Dallon looked at Brendon, a mix of sadness and pity on his face

"No Bren, I didn't. Did you have a dream that I came over?" He asked, an amused smile stretching to his face.

"Do you like the.. The thought of me... Dreaming about you?" Brendon asked sleepily. Dallon chuckled.

"Yeah.." He admitted. "I think it's cute." Brendon smiled softly just as pain pulsed through his chest, and he whimpered softly. Dallon stopped what he was doing and looked over at Brendon with concern. Brendon tried to smile.

"I'm fine." He rasped.

"You're not." Dallon replied. "And you don't need to pretend to be, either. I'm here for you. For better or for worse."

"What are we, married?" Brendon joked. Dallon chuckled nervously. He was flustered. Dallon's nervous laughs sent chills throughout Brendon's body. Suddenly, his entire body cooled and a small cry escaped his lips. Dallon's expression instantly changed to concern mixed with fear. He leaned forward to feel Brendon's cheek. He called for Spencer, who had heard Brendon's small cry and was already coming.

"Yeah, his fever definitely broke." He remarked once he had reached the couch, his hand on Brendon' forehead. The sudden change in Brendon's body temperature was very drastic, and he began shivering violently.

"S-Spence," Brendon stuttered, his teeth almost chattering.

"I know Bren, I know." Spencer soothed, pulling Brendon's mask down to check his temperature again. "Dallon, can you drape that blanket over him please?" Dallon nodded quickly and Brendon felt the soft fabric being draped over him, though it did little to warm him. His eyelids grew heavier and heavier and he turned to his side and tried to curl into himself. His entire body ached at the movements. "Yeah, major drop." Spencer said, looking to Dallon. "You must have the magic touch." Brendon didn't have to see Dallon's face to know he was smiling.

"Spence, can I-" Brendon started. Spencer cut him off

"You go right ahead, bud." Brendon nodded, still shivering. Dallon leaned and gave a small smile. It was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open. "Brendon, you can sleep now, alright?" Spencer said again. Brendon's eyes began to close, relief washing over his shivering body. And all he wanted at that moment was for Dallon to kiss him.

But obviously he wasn't going to say that.

No, no he couldn't. He just couldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is real sweet I think. Hope those of you who chose to stick it out are enjoying the story so far. Thanks for reading.


	8. Let's Get These Teen Hearts Beating Faster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm fine." He stated, his face going red. Dallon rolled his eyes.
> 
> "You need to tell me if you're in pain so I can help you."
> 
> "You can't help me." Brendon said softly. "I'm always in pain and you can do very little to help that."
> 
> Dallon tilted his head and looked straight at Brendon. "I could do this." Dallon whispered as he moved in closer to the sick boy. Brendon's heart started beating faster and faster. Dallon closed his eyes, lust written all over his face. Brendon could feel Dallon's calm, warm breath on his face as it inched closer to his. Brendon's eyes slowly closed, though his heart was hammering in his chest.
> 
> Contact. _Finally._

tuesday, the 26th of january. 4:52 pm. week 3

"So how's Brendon holding up?" Tyler asked Dallon during a water break at after school basketball practice.

Dallon shrugged as he took a sip of water from his water bottle. "Alive. He's pretty tired and he's in pain, but he's alive." Tyler nodded, taking in the information. He looked up at Dallon.

"How're you holding up?" He asked a bit quieter. Dallon smiled warmly.

"I'm doing okay." He replied. Tyler smiled and gave Dallon's shoulder a playful slap.

"Good, we need your head in the game for nationals!" Their coach called them back to one end of the large gym.

"Alright, now that you boys have had a little breather, you're gonna run suicides. If you're one of the last five boys to finish, you do fifteen pushups. You got that?" All the boys nodded and made their way to the thick black line surrounding the gym. "If I see you trying to cheat or not touching any lines, you do fifty pushups. Got it?" He asked. All the boys nodded. They all took their stance at the line and waited for their coach to blow the whistle.

The sound rang in Dallon's ears as he leapt forward. Though his long legs gave him an advantage with running, they where no help when it came to leaning down to touch the lines painted on the gymnasium floor. He took long strides, using up less of his energy on running, giving him more stamina than his teammates. Not to anyone's surprise, he was the first to complete the drill.

"Alright, good job, all of you. That was collectively your fastest time all year. Jeramy, Drake, Conner, Ben and Lucas, you boys finished last, get down. And Joe, I saw you cheating." Joe smirked at their coach, jumping down and clapping every few pushups he did, whooping loudly. Dallon wondered why he insisted on being so cocky. He figured it was just part of his persona.

"That's it for today boys, get rested up for our game tomorrow." Coach Adams called. He pulled Dallon aside on his way to the locker room."Dallon, I'm impressed. You're getting faster and faster all the time."

"Well, being tall helps." Dallon replied. Coach Adams nodded.

"How's that friend of yours? Brandon?"

" _Brendon_." Dallon corrected. "And, uh, he's doing alright. I mean, he could be doing better, but he could be doing a lot worse so.." The coach nodded.

"If you ever need to talk about it with me, you know you can." He said warmly. "I know it can be tough, having a friend with such poor health, but you need to stay focused." Dallon nodded. "Scouts are coming to tomorrow's game, and all the games leading up to nationals. Now I know you have it in you to get a full ride to any school you want, but you need to play your hardest. There's no room for error out there. They only want the best."

"I'll try my hardest." Dallon smiled. The coach smiled back.

"That's my boy. I'll see you tomorrow." He said. Dallon nodded and headed to the locker room with the rest of his team.

* * *

"Dil pickle!" Brendon exclaimed weakly when he saw Dallon entering the living room. Dallon smiled genuinely. He waved to Brendon's mom who was in the kitchen as he made his way to where Brendon was sitting on the couch.

"Hey Bren. I take it you're feeling better." He observed. Brendon nodded slowly as Dallon sat next to him.

"Yeah, a bit. My chest is killing me though.." He said quietly. "What's new in Dallon Ville?" He asked. Dallon smiled.

"Nothing much.. Everyone at school misses you." Brendon rolled his eyes, coughing weakly.

"How is basketball by the way? Don't you have a game soon?" He asked.

"Yeah," Dallon smiled, the fact that he had remembered flattering him. "Yeah tomorrow."

Brendon's expression softened. "I wish I could go." He whispered. "To support you with oversized signs like I used to with Josh and Pete and Patrick." He looked away from Dallon. "That was so fun.."

"Hey.." Dallon said, wrapping his arm around the smaller boy. Brendon leaned into Dallon, resting his head on Dallon's shoulder. "There's going to be plenty of games for you to do that with them.."

"If I'm anywhere near that many people I'll probably die, you know that.." Brendon whispered.

"Hey, your body just needs time to get used to all the new chemicals it's being introduced to. You just need time to adjust.." Dallon explained. Of course he knew that Brendon already knew all of that, but sometimes he needs a reminder. "You'll be up and running again in no time, champ!" Brendon rolled his eyes and Dallon laughed.

"I didn't realize my friend was a generic phrase dispenser." Dallon smiled cheekily.

"Generic phrases are my livelihood." He stated. Brendon chuckled softly, his quiet chuckles quickly turning into weak coughs. Dallon helped Brendon sit up straighter to open his airways. Brendon whimpered when Dallon's hands touched his sides. "Shit did I hurt you?" He asked, concerned. Brendon shook his head, still trying to control his breaths.

"I'm fine." He stated, his face going red. Dallon rolled his eyes.

"You need to tell me if you're in pain so I can help you."

"You can't help me." Brendon said softly. "I'm always in pain and you can do very little to help that."

Dallon tilted his head and looked straight at Brendon. "I could do this." Dallon whispered as he moved in closer to the sick boy. Brendon's heart started beating faster and faster. Dallon closed his eyes, lust written all over his face. Brendon could feel Dallon's calm, warm breath on his face as it inched closer to his. Brendon's eyes slowly closed, though his heart was hammering in his chest.

Contact. _Finally._

It felt heavenly. The feeling of Dallon's lip again his was a new feeling, but it was one Brendon definitely liked. Dallon had experience. His lips knew exactly what to do and where to go. Brendon tried clumsily to follow, but his heart was racing and his body felt weak at his touch.

"Just relax and enjoy the ride." Dallon chuckled into the kiss. His words made Brendon smile. He felt Dallon's tongue against his lips and almost jumped back, causing Dallon to giggle. Brendon parted his lips slowly, allowing Dallon entrance. Brendon let out a strangled moan, causing Dallon to smile into the kiss. Hands and tongues were everywhere as they brought each other impossibly close. Brendon finally closed his eyes. He felt Dallon pull away.

He opened his eyes again to see... The ceiling. Dallon's face came into view. He smiled. "Did you have a nice nap?"

A dream. It was just a dream.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Dallon asked, noticing the frown on Brendon's face. _Well let's see. I'm in love with you, I'm dying, you're straight, you don't love me the same way I love you, I just had a dream about you shoving your tongue down my throat, and my head is resting on your crotch right now._

"Chest hurts." Brendon said instead, his breathing shallow. Dallon's eyebrows furrowed together. He seemed to be hurt by Brendon's discomfort. "What time is it?" Brendon asked, very disoriented. Dallon checked his phone.

"10:33. You fell asleep about a half hour after I came over." Dallon explained. This only seemed to make Brendon even more confused.

"I've been holding you hostage for five hours?" Brendon asked. Dallon only chuckled at his friend.

"Not 'holding me hostage'. I've just been spending time with you watching Netflix, even if you happened to be asleep." Just then Grace walked into the living room, holding a tray with some food, water and pills for Brendon on it. Dallon helped Brendon sit up and Grace placed the tray on the coffee table in front of the two. Brendon leaned on Dallon's shoulder out of exhaustion, sitting himself up had been the most physical activity he'd done all day. He began to wheeze, and anyone could see the worry it put on Grace's face.

"I'm off to work, I'll be back around six am, try to get at least a little bit of food in him, alright Dallon?" She asked. Brendon could feel Dallon nod his head. He felt his mom kiss his forehead and felt her ruffle his hair. "I love you bud." She whispered.

"Love you too mom." Brendon mumbled back tiredly.

"Love you too, Dallon!" She shouted as she walked out the door. Once Brendon heard the door close he lifted his head and looked at Dallon.

"God, this is a lot of pills.." Dallon breathed. Brendon grabbed one from the tray along with one of the glasses of water.

"They put me on a few chemo pills along with all my regulars." Brendon explained as he popped the first of the seventeen pills in his mouth. He followed it with a small sip of water before grabbing the next two. Around the fifth or sixth he looked out of the corner of his eye to see Dallon watching him sadly. "Hey," He said, looking at Dallon. "They're gonna fix me, right?" Dallon tried to smile.

"Right.." Brendon gave him a small smile as he popped a few more pills in his mouth. Dallon cleared his throat before changing the subject. "So, what are we gonna do tonight?" He asked. Brendon swallowed another three pills as he thought of an answer.

"We could go for a drive? I need to get out of the house." Dallon flashed a beautiful grin towards the smaller boy.

"That sounds like a great idea."

"I'm full of 'em." Brendon smiled as he swallowed two more pills. Dallon shoved him playfully.

"Like trying to walk though the creek without shoes on?" Dallon smiled, raising one eyebrow playfully. Brendon swallowed another three pills.

"How was I supposed to know there would be broken glass in it?" Brendon asked as he took a sip of water. Dallon chuckled. Brendon swallowed his last pill and smiled at Dallon, genuinely happy for the first time in a while.

"Where do you wanna drive?" Dallon asked as he picked up half of one of the sandwiches and took a bite out of it. Brendon copied the action, though he took much smaller bites.

"The elementary school?" Brendon suggested.

"The elementary school?" Dallon said back, his voice questioning. "In this weather?"

"Yeah, the elementary school in this weather!" Brendon smiled. Dallon chuckled.

"Why do you want to go to the elementary school?" He asked.

"They have a cool swing set." Brendon said matter-of-fictively. "I've been sitting here in this muggy house for days. I want to feel fresh air on my face."

"Are you sure you're up for it?" Dallon asked. Brendon rolled his eyes.

"I may be sick, but I'm not that sick." Brendon let out a few chesty coughs. "Or at least not yet anyway.." Dallon watched as he put his half eaten sandwich back on the tray in front of them, his appetite suddenly even less existent than before. He looked back up at Dallon reluctantly and sighed, trying to smile. "I just want to enjoy the time I have left, you know? And if I want to go to an elementary school at 11:00 pm in the snow and swing then I'm gonna do it."

Dallon smiled. "And I will help to the best of my abilities."

Brendon gave a small smile and looked down at his hands. "Thanks." He said quietly. Dallon chuckled.

"But not until you take two more bites of that sandwich." Brendon groaned.

"I already ate half of it!" He complained.

"Your mom told me you haven't been eating, you need to eat."

"God, you sound just like her.." Brendon remarked.

"You need food!" Dallon said. "And your mom's a doctor! If there's anyone you should listen to about this it's her! You need to be building up strength so you can get better, okay?" Brendon looked up at Dallon, the look on his face making him take three more bites of his food. Dallon seemed to relax, his facial expression being less intense and much more calm. He smiled softly. "Now, go get some clean cloths on and I'll start the car, okay?" Brendon smiled, his eyes lingering on Dallons lips as he nodded and slowly managed to lift himself off of the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is one of my favourites. It's kinda like a preview to some stuff you'll be seeing in the future *hint hint*! Hope you enjoyed reading!


	9. Car Radio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It changed him in ways Dallon wasn't even sure Brendon could comprehend. There's a long list of songs Brendon can't stand to her the first few notes of anymore, and it broke Dallon's heart. The thing that gave him the most joy now only reopens a wound he's been trying to close for almost a decade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read if you've noticed I've added the date and time at the beginning of each chapter, it kinda makes you feel like you're reading from a diary, which I think adds more to the story. Alright, enough of this, enjoy chapter nine!

tuesday, the 26th of january. 10:59. week 3

Dallon and Brendon sat in silence as Dallon sped down the empty street. The radio was playing a Police song from one of those radio stations that treats anysong that came out after the 90s as the plague. Brendon kept looking towards Dallon, the orange street lights illuminating his face before leaving them in the dark once again.

"This song is so creepy." Brendon said after a while, breaking the silence.

"Hmm?" Dallon asked.

"This song!" Brendon replied. "'Every step you take, every move you make, I'll be watching you?' That is some grade A stalker behaviour right there." Dallon chuckled. "I mean can you imagine hearing someone playing this song outside your window from an old boom box while you were changing?? That would be beyond terrifying!"

"I don't think anyone would ever be stupid enough to do that, Bren." Dallon giggled. "And it's not like it's a bad song. I mean yeah the lyrics are questionable, but the song isn't half bad."

"Yeah, it's okay.." Brendon mumbled. He shook his head and scoffed. "I mean even I can do better..."

"You totally could." Dallon stated. "I've heard you singing before, and you aren't half bad with a few instruments either. I bet you could write amazing stuff."

Brendon went silent before answering. "I guess, I'm okay." Dallon regretted what he said immediately. The car was once again filled with only the sound of the car radio.

Brendon had quit the elementary school band when his father first became severely ill. And after he had passed away Brendon didn't dare go anywhere near his study, where all his instruments, records and CDs were stored. The doorknobs have been gathering dust for the better part of almost ten years and he and his mother have been avoiding it like the plague. Brendon stopped playing guitar and piano, and come to think of it Dallon hadn't even heard Brendon so much as sing a single note since the death of his father. 

It changed him in ways Dallon wasn't even sure Brendon could comprehend. There's a long list of songs Brendon can't stand to her the first few notes of anymore, and it broke Dallon's heart. The thing that gave him the most joy now only reopens a wound he's been trying to close for almost a decade.

"And that was 'Every Step You Take' by the Police." The old radio announcer said in a gritty voice. "Probably the creepiest song of the eighties, but hey, it's a nice calm song for this clear Friday night. Speaking of Fridays, I can almost guarantee that you and your sweetheart have planned a date for such a fine night, so why don't we play a song from a truly talented man, who knew how to get folks in the mood? That's right, next up we're playing a song requested by the listeners! A song from none other than Frank Sinatra's Songs For Swingin' Lovers, You Make Me F-"

Brendon shut off the radio.

The two boys sat in silence.

Brendon looked out the window, at his hands and then to the ceiling of the car. The memory flashed vividly in his mind.

_He was five. It was Christmas morning. Brendon was wearing the new pyjamas his Nana had gotten him, just like she did every year. This year they were white and covered in holly berries. He was sitting at the base of the tall christmas tree set up in his living room. It was his favourite tree yet, because Brendon had been the one to pick it out. His father had to cut some of the top off so the star would be able to fit on top, it was so tall. Brendon was at the foot of the tree, in the process of dumping his new Lego set on the floor and beginning to build it. His mother was sitting on the couch, smiling and taking pictures to put in the Christmas album they made each year._

_"Look up and smile at the camera, Brendon!" She called to her young son. Though he had been in the hospital the past two weeks due to pneumonia, had just gotten out the day before on Christmas Eve and still had to wear a medical mask, his eyes smiled brightly for the picture. His father walked in from his study with another record._

_"Per your request and since we've listened to all of our Christmas records, Songs For Swingin' Lovers." He said to Brendon. Brendon cheered and ran to hug his father's leg._

_"Can I put the record on the player dad?" He asked excitedly. Brendon's dad took the current record off of the turn table and gave the next one to Brendon. He lifted Brendon up while Brendon's mom snapped more pictures. Brendon placed the needle carefully on the record, very proud of himself. Brendon's father set him down and gave him a high five._

_"Great job buddy." Brendon's father smiled. The first song started playing and Brendon's father took his wife by the hand, dancing around the room as he sang to her. Brendon's mother laughed and danced with him while Brendon watched intently as his father spun his mother around the room. Their dancing was cut short by Brendon erupting into a fit of coughs. Brendon's parents rushed over to him worriedly._

_"Alright Brendon, how about we take you upstairs and you can rest? I think you've had enough excitement for one day. You still need to take it easy, yeah?" His mother asked him as she rubbed his back. Brendon held his arms out to his father, who was standing just behind is mother._

_"I want daddy to take me." Brendon whined as he coughed again._

_"Don't worry buddy, I'll be up to see you in a little bit, okay?" Brendon could see right past that smile on his father's face. He was sad. Brendon's mother felt his forehead._

_"Brendon, honey you're running a fever, daddy and I need you to come upstairs with me, okay?" She asked. "Daddy will be up to see you in a little bit, okay?" Brendon nodded without taking his eyes off of the sad_ _and defeated_ _expression on his father's face. His mother picked him up and carried him to his room. She laid_ _him_ _down in his bed and tucked him in._

_"Will I have to go back to the hospital, mommy?" Brendon asked. Brendon's mother gave him the exact same joyless smile his father had._

_"We'll see how you feel after you take some medicine and have a nap, okay?" Brendon coughed again before nodding._

"Brendon? Bren can you hear me?" Dallon was lightly shaking Brendon's shoulder. Brendon looked over at him, startled.

"Are we there already?" Brendon asked. Dallon shook his head.

"I pulled over. You were breathing really weird and you'd completely zoned out." Dallon explained. Brendon noticed his breaths were oddly shallow, and breathing hurt. "Are you okay?"

"Dal.." Brendon started, feeling a sense of panic rise in his chest. He sat up in a failed attempt to lessen the pain. "My chest hurts, Dal. It's been hurting all day but now it really, really hurts." Dallon started the car and began speeding down the empty road to the hospital. Brendon continued breathing shallowly, wondering what he could've possible done to deserve this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really sweet, I think. I hope you guys are enjoying, I'm having a blast writing this. Please, feel free to comment and tell me what you think or send me an ask on my tumblr @trademymistakes, I'd love to hear where you guys think the story is going! Thanks for reading!


	10. I'm a Stray Dog Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon knew his fate, and it wasn't living a long, healthy life with this beautiful boy he didn't deserve. He was sick, he was dying, and loving Dallon would mean leaving that love behind as he passed, leaving this life and this beautiful boy to grieve the love he never had the time to bask in. No, he couldn't do that to Dallon. He loved him way too much.

wednesday, the 27th of january. 2:46 am. week 3

Dallon sat next to Brendon's hospital bed, watching him in the dim light of the hospital room. He was in a state between sleep and wakefulness, his shallow, wheezing breaths keeping him awake. The cannula in his nose didn't seem to offer much help.

The clock on the wall said it was 2:46 AM. They had gotten here three hours ago, causing quite the commotion in the quiet and almost empty ER. Dallon could feel the exhaustion radiating off of Brendon. He hadn't been sleeping very well since his first chemo treatment, and he looked like he was ready to fall apart. Brendon tilted his head to look at Dallon. Dallon smiled sadly.

"I guess trying to get some sleep hasn't really been working." Dallon observed. Brendon shook his head. His eyelids were heavy and yet he couldn't seem to keep them shut. He kept searching Dallon's face for something, but Dallon wasn't sure what.

"You should go home." Brendon said in a weak voice. "It's Wednesday, there's school today." Dallon could see Brendon straining to speak. It broke his heart.

"I don't want to leave you here alone." Dallon replied in a soft, calm voice. "I at least want to stay until the doctors come back with your test results, okay?"

"You have a basketball game today." Brendon whispered. "Please Dallon I don't want you to miss your game."

"And I don't want to leave you here by yourself." Dallon whispered back. "I'll be okay, I'm just worried about you." Brendon tilted his head and averted his eyes towards the ceiling.

"I wanna go home." Brendon said in a small strangled voice. Dallon could see a single tear slide down his cheek and hit the fabric of his pillow. "I wanna go home and go to sleep. In my own bed. In my own room." Dallon reached out and took Brendon's weak hand, massaging it with his thumb. He leaned closer and closer to his face. Wanting. He stopped when the door opened and the lights turned on.

Dr. Hall walked into the room, looking at Brendon and sighing. "Turns out that lung infection you had a few weeks ago hadn't completely gone away. That coupled with the chemotherapy, and you've got yourself a weaker than usual immune system. It's looking like whooping cough. We're gonna put you back on the ventilator for a little while and see how that works, okay Brendon?" Brendon nodded at the doctor. "Then we'll get started." He left the room to go get the equipment. Brendon turned his head back to Dallon.

"Please, I don't want you missing school for me." Brendon struggled to get the words out, he was starting to cry. Dallon brushed a lock of sweaty hair from Brendon's face.

"I don't want to leave you here to deal with this alone Bren." Dallon replied softly. Brendon stared blankly at Dallon before nodding.

"Just please, please go get something to eat or drink while they put the tubes in. I-I wanna be alone just for that." Brendon struggled to take a breath. "Please. It gets ugly. And I don't want you to see that." Brendon let out a choked sob. Dallon placed his hand on Brendon's cheek.

"Hey, it's okay. You're gonna be okay." Brendon squeezed his eyes shut.

"You can't say that! You can't say that Dallon you know that!" Brendon's breathing started becoming more jagged and his heart rate was rising. Dallon shushed him.

"Hey, it's okay to be scared, it's okay to cry." Brendon looked up at Dallon again. "I'll go get something from the cafeteria while they insert the tubes, alright? And then I'll stay with you until you fall asleep, okay?" Brendon nodded, calming down. Dr. Hall came in the room with the ventilator and a nurse, and Dallon took that as his queue to leave. He slipped out of the room and down to the elevators, wishing he had given Brendon a kiss and told him that he loved him.

* * *

Brendon opened his eyes. Evening light was shining though his window. He was hooked up to a ventilator, the machine mostly breathing for him. The clock on the wall read 5:23 PM. Asleep for so long and yet he still felt exhausted. His eyes darted to his bedside where he saw Dallon, hunched over onto his bed, fast asleep. Looking at Dallon like that and knowing he was the one who put him in that position made him feel nothing but guilt.

The door opened and Aaliyah walked in. She smiled warmly when she saw that Brendon was awake.

"We were wondering when you were gonna be up." She smiled. "You deserved a nice long rest, you've been though a lot lately." Brendon nodded. "The good news is that the infection is clearing up faster than we thought, but we're gonna keep you hooked up to your ventilator for a while longer until we're sure it's cleared up." She explained. Brendon nodded again. He looked over to Dallon again, and heard Aaliyah sigh. He looked up at her questioningly.

"He sure is a good friend." She smiled. "Stayed here all night before leaving for school in the morning, rushed all the way back here to check up on you before his basketball game. He's been here ever since." _I'm exhausting him, why am I doing this to him?_ Brendon thought to himself. "I'll be back to check on you in a bit, alright hun? Can I get you anything?" Brendon shook his head. "Alright," Aaliyah said as she left. "You know what to do if you need me."

Brendon waited until he heard the door to his room close. He moved his hand and grabbed onto Dallon's, trying his hardest not to wake him. The IV in his hand made moving it uncomfortable, but he wanted more than anything to feel Dallon's skin against his. He longed for the feeling, the touch. He wanted to hold Dallon and kiss Dallon and love Dallon more than anything in the world. He loved Dallon more than anything.

And that was exactly why he couldn't.

Brendon loved Dallon too much to do that to him. To love him would be to betray him, to taunt him with love that wouldn't last. Brendon knew his fate, and it wasn't living a long, healthy life with this beautiful boy he didn't deserve. He was sick, he was _dying_ , and loving Dallon would mean leaving that love behind as he passed, leaving this life and this beautiful boy to grieve the love he never had the time to bask in. No, he couldn't do that to Dallon. He loved him way too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, so much fluff. I think this is a really sweet chapter, makes me sad when I know what's coming up soon for the boys.. Hope you guys are enjoying so far, we're about 1/3 through the book right now, so there's a lot still to come!


	11. Wanna Be Free, Wanna Be Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think I'm in love with you." Brendon whispered. "Why am I so afraid to be in love with you?"

friday, the 29th of january. 4:42 pm. week 3

Brendon slept most of the next couple days away. He would usually wake up in the late afternoon or early evening and stay up briefly before falling asleep again. His mom would come in when he did wake up and check on him. Dallon could tell how much he liked that.

Dallon hadn't gone to school in the past three days. He had missed basketball games. He couldn't bear to leave Brendon like this. He had gotten Aaliyah to lie for him, because though he didn't want to lie to Brendon, the truth would upset him that much more.

The infection in Brendon's lungs was mostly gone by now, so Brendon's doctor decided that his ventilator was going to replaced with a much more comfortable cannula while still pumping Brendon full of chemicals. Dallon sat with Spencer on a couch facing Brendon's hospital bed. They were both sipping coffees.

"You know you won't be able to hide this for long." Spencer commented. "He has a knack for reading faces. He knows when someone's lying to him."

"I know I know I just.. I couldn't bring myself to leave him." Dallon sighed. "I'd worry too much."

"You didn't even go to your games?" Spencer asked, shocked. Dallon nodded slowly.

"My coach and the rest of the team understood, they won both games though." Dallon replied. "I-I just couldn't bring myself to leave him. I mean his mom hasn't been doing so well lately and she just can't be there for him emotionally, it being the time of year that it is.."

"God, he's been gone for ten years.." Spencer observed quietly. "It hadn't even crossed my mind..."

"And I know it's tough for Brendon, too. And Grace must be worrying herself sick, I mean can you imagine mourning the death of your husband and then losing your son on top of that? I just couldn't leave, you know?" Spencer nodded, looking back over to Brendon. The door opened and Dr. Hall walked in with Aaliyah.

"Is Brendon still not up?" Dr. Hall asked. Spencer got up from his seat next to Dallon.

"I'll wake him up." He said as he walked over to Brendon's bedside. He began rubbing his thumb along the back of Brendon's hand and whispering. "Bren.... Bren, bud.. Aaliyah and Dr. Hall are here, they're gonna unhook you from the ventilator.." Brendon groaned, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand and turned his head away from Spencer. "C'mon bud, it'll only take a second and then you can go back to sleep." Brendon opened his eyes and looked back to Spencer. Spencer smiled.

"Do you want Dallon and I to leave?" Spencer asked. Brendon shook his head no. Dallon was surprised, seeing how he had made such a big deal of it before. But maybe getting the tubes taken out wasn't as bad as having them put in. All that really happened was a bit of gagging while the tubes in his mouth and nose came out. Brendon was given a cannula as he still needed some help breathing, and then Brendon, Dallon and Spencer were the only people in the room.

Brendon made light conversation with Spencer as he hadn't seen him for a while because of work. He was doing a lot better than he was a couple of days ago to everyone's delight. Brendon even sat up and walked around a bit. After about an hour, Spencer had to leave.

And then there were two.

Brendon was sitting on the edge of his bed, his feet dangling just above the linoleum floor. His head was bowed, his face hidden from Dallon.

"You didn't have to stay." He said quietly. "I told you that you didn't." Brendon almost sobbed. "Why did you stay?"

"You.. You heard us..?" Dallon asked.

"I'm surprisingly good at pretending to sleep, Mr. Weekes." Brendon mumbled. Dallon moved himself from the couch quickly. He knelt down on one knee and looked Brendon in the eyes.

"Brendon I didn't want to leave you here by yourself, I-I couldn't."

"You missed three fucking days of school, Dallon. What did your parents think of that?"

"They understood. They completely understood, okay? I can catch up on a few days of schoolwork but I needed to stay here with you." Dallon answered quickly. Brendon stood up, Dallon copying the action.

"You missed your basketball games, Dallon." Brendon said, trying not to sob as best he could.

"You are a hundred thousand times more important than a sport Brendon." Dallon told Brendon.

"Why? You're ruining your shots at living your dream! Why choose me over that?" Brendon asked. "Why choose me over your dreams, Dallon?" Dallon tried to figure out how to answer. His heart started racing a mile a minute. He wanted to take Brendon's hands, hold him, but he felt as stiff as a statue. He looked Brendon right in the eyes.

"Because I.. I love you."

Brendon's face went from hurt to confused to mad in the blink of an eye. "No." He whispered, choking back tears. "No, no! Don't you dare say that! You can't say that to me Dallon! You can't tell me that you love me. Not now. You can't."

Dallon was shocked. "You.. You don't-"

"Of course I love you, you idiot! I love you more than anything, Dallon! But you can't tell me that you love me because I'm dying! _I'm dying_ Dallon! And I don't want to hurt you! I don't want to leave you here alone, I can't do that to you I just can't!" Brendon's chest began to ache and his breathing was laboured. Dallon hugged the shaking boy in his arms and sat him down on his bed. "I-I've never felt this way about anyone before.. And it scares the shit out of me." He said, trying to calm himself.

"I don't care if you're gonna be here for another ten days or another ten years, I want to love you for every second." Dallon whispered. Brendon nodded, trying to control his breathing. "And if you do leave-"

" _When_." Brendon said firmly, wiping tears off of his red cheeks.

" _When_ you leave me, I know you'll be better. You won't be sick, you'll be with your dad, you'll be happy." Brendon let out a choked sob and looked up at Dallon.

"In what world could I be happy without you?"

Dallon caressed Brendon's face and brought it to him. Their lips met. Dallon could feel Brendon's heart beating quickly, reassuring him that for now, he was here, with him in this moment. And everything else would be okay. Brendon pulled away suddenly, coughing violently and shaking still. "Sorry." He coughed out.

"Here let's lay down, yeah? You still need time to rest." Dallon said. Brendon nodded and they two laid down. Dallon pulled the covers over them and Brendon snuggled into Dallon's chest. He was cold and Dallon was the exact warmth he needed right now.

"I think I'm in love with you." Brendon whispered. "Why am I so afraid to be in love with you?"

"I think you're just afraid to be happy.." Dallon whispered back. "It's okay to be happy, Bren. It really is. Bad things have happened in the past and bad things will happen in the future. But right now, in this moment, you're happy and that's okay." The two laid in silence, the only noise coming from the oxygen flowing into Brendon's body via a mess of tubes.

"Do you think my dad would be okay with this?" Brendon asked. "With us?"

Dallon smiled. "I think so." He replied softly. "I think he would want you to be happy, too."

"Thanks." Brendon whispered. "For staying. It means a lot."

"Anything for you Brendon." Dallon whispered as Brendon's breaths started to even. "Anything for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It finally happened!! Thought the boys needed something positive, things have been rough for them. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, hope you guys are enjoying the fic.. there's lots more still to come!


	12. Will You Dance To This Beat And Hold A Lover Close?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What are you smiling about, Urie?"
> 
> "Just thinkin' about stuff." Brendon replied.
> 
> "Oh? What kinda stuff?" Dallon asked, his grin stretching even wider.
> 
> "Mostly you. I'm thinking about you." Brendon told him. Dallon laughed. "Lately you're all I've been able to think about." Brendon observed. "I'm not quite sure why though." Dallon dipped Brendon, their eyes locking on each other.
> 
> "No idea?" Dallon asked. Brendon smiled.
> 
> "None." He replied. Dallon kissed him, sweetly and passionately.
> 
> "Did that help jog your memory?" Dallon asked.
> 
> "I think I'll need another one for good measures." Brendon teased.

sunday, the 31st of january. 4:29 pm. week 4

Brendon was released from the hospital this morning, and slept for most of the day. But now he was sitting patiently on his bed, waiting for Dallon. The sun had just started to set, and his room was flooded with golden light. His record player sat open on his dresser, the only record he had, 52nd Street, was playing quietly. The current song ended, filling his room with the sound of static. In the not quite silence he could clearly hear Dallon's footsteps as he came up the stairs.

"Hey," He said as he entered Brendon's room. The next track on the record began to play and Dallon smiled, pointing to the old record player. His cheeks were still rosy from the cold. "Until The Night, right?" He asked. Brendon nodded.

"It's almost as if you've heard this record as much as I have." He smiled. Dallon began to sing the song in a low voice, without missing a beat. Brendon smiled as he watched Dallon perform in front of him. He danced around Brendon's room singing the song, the biggest smile on his face. Brendon was filled with a sense of overwhelming happiness. Watching this boy in front of him. His best friend, his love, seeing how happy he was, Brendon felt okay for the first time in a while.

The chorus  of the song kicked in, and Dallon pulled Brendon off of his bed and twirled him around the room, while continuing to sing though Brendon's laughs and giggles. Brendon wrapped his arms around the taller boy's neck. Dallon kissed the top of his head and continued humming the song as the two swayed around the room.

Brendon leaned his head against Dallon's chest, feeling and hearing his steady heartbeat. It was comforting, it was real, something physical he could sense and attach himself to. He could hear the smile on his face as Dallon sang quietly. Every so often Dallon would twirl or dip Brendon, and their eyes meeting sent waves of electricity through Brendon's weak body.

"How are you such a good dancer, Mr. Weeks?" Brendon asked, smiling. Dallon rolled his eyes at the comment.

"I have lots of old aunts and little cousins. They like waltzing and after being asked to dance with them five hundred times every time he have family parties, I guess you just kinda pick it up after a while." The thought of Dallon swinging his small cousins around the dance floor and referring to them as princesses made Brendon smile uncontrollably. Dallon noticed. "What are you smiling about, Urie?"

"Just thinkin' about stuff." Brendon replied.

"Oh? What kinda stuff?" Dallon asked, his grin stretching even wider.

"Mostly you. I'm thinking about you." Brendon told him. Dallon laughed. "Lately you're all I've been able to think about." Brendon observed. "I'm not quite sure why though." Dallon dipped Brendon, their eyes locking on each other.

"No idea?" Dallon asked. Brendon smiled.

"None." He replied. Dallon kissed him, sweetly and passionately.

"Did that help jog your memory?" Dallon asked.

"I think I'll need another one for good measures." Brendon teased. Another kiss, longer this time. Dallon lifted Brendon back to a standing position, their lips never losing contact. Brendon needed oxygen but he didn't care. He wanted Dallon more. Eventually Dallon was the first to pull away, noticing Brendon's discomfort. Brendon coughed in an effort to get air back into his lungs, and Dallon led him over to his bed.

"You need to take it easy, Bren." Dallon chuckled. "You have a busy day tomorrow." Brendon rolled his eyes as he laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"Trust me if I could stay here with you all day I would." He sighed. "I really don't wanna have to go through all _that_ again." Dallon laid down next to Brendon as the final song on the record began playing. Dallon reached for Brendon's hand, holding it tight.

"Just you and Spencer again?" He asked, looking at Brendon. Brendon nodded. Dallon took in the features of Brendon's face. His soft complexion. His dark eyes. The imperfections of his skin due to his illness. His everything. "Five more and then you get a nice long break." Dallon whispered. "And then maybe you won't have to do it anymore." Brendon sighed.

"I hope so." Brendon whispered back. Brendon's grip on Dallon's hand was weak, and Dallon could notice his body shaking so slightly he wasn't even sure Brendon himself knew was shaking. And if we was acting like this now, how would he feel after tomorrow?

The two laid silently on the bed for a while, the sound of the record spinning tunelessly on the turntable filling the open space around them. They stayed like that for a while before Brendon spoke again. "Do you think I'll make it out of this?" He asked, turning his head to Dallon. Dallon turned to face Brendon, taking in his face before replying.

"You're tough." Dallon replied softly. "If I know anyone who can do this, it's you."  Brendon sighed, moving himself closer to Dallon and nuzzling his face into Dallon's chest. Dallon hugged the small frail boy, Brendon's body easing in Dallon's grasp.

"Do you think I'll end up okay?" Brendon asked, so softly Dallon almost didn't hear him.

"Hm?" Dallon murmured.

"Like, do you think I'll end up alright? Do you think I'll still be able to function?" Brendon asked.

"That's a big question, Bren. I honestly don't know." Dallon answered after thinking for a moment. "But I don't think you should really worry about that right now. You should just focus on what danger is immediately ahead of you." Brendon chuckled into Dallon's chest. Dallon could feel Brendon smiling, making him smile.

"I'm really tired." Brendon muttered into Dallon's shirt.

"Then sleep." Dallon replied easily.

"I don't wanna be asleep when Spencer gets here." Brendon yawned as he spoke.

Dallon chuckled. "I'm sure he'll understand."

"But what if the food he brings is cold and gross by the time I wake up?" Brendon asked, looking up at Dallon. Dallon rolled his eyes at the smaller boy, kissing the top of his head.

"You have a microwave, Bren. I'm sure the food will be just fine." Brendon buried his face in Dallon's chest once again before speaking.

"Promise you'll be here if I wake up?" Dallon rolled his eyes at the over dramatic question, but answered the small boy nonetheless.

"I promise, Bren. I promise.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter twelve is here!! I know it's been a while, I've been posting some oneshots and put this on the backburner for a while, but it has finally arrived! Feel free to check out some of my other fics if you ever get tired waiting for another chapter, I have a bunch I'm planning on posting soon!


	13. Time Crawls On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The door opened, and Dallon could hear papers rustling. He felt them being placed on his desk. He lifted his head again. Sitting in front of him were various worksheets. Mr. Shea placed a final slip of paper onto the stack. An early release form.
> 
> "Have these done for tomorrow, if that's possible. You can email me if you have any questions about the work." Dallon looked up at Mr. Shea, confused. "Go see him." Mr. Shea whispered. "And tell him I say hello."

monday, the 1st of february. 11:52 am. week 4

Dallon sat in his seat in the back of the class during health, watching the clock. Eight more minutes and then he could call Brendon to see how he was doing. The uncertainty was driving him mad, and each ticking second brought him one second closer to salvation. The sound of Mr. Higgins droning on about kidneys was insanely annoying, and all he wanted to do was be with Brendon.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

His senses were heightened and he was aware of everything around him. The branch from a tree tapping the window as the wind blew calmly outside. The feeling of Tyler, who was sitting next to him, staring at him. The girl sitting in front of him lightly tapping her pen against her finger, as if she couldn't wait to get out of this class either.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

The clock seemed to be miles away from him. The usually small classroom seemed to be longer than a football field. It was as if his own mind was playing some sick game with him. He could clearly hear the ticking of the old clock. It was loud and obnoxious, blocking out every other sound in the room.

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

The anxiety was killing him. Not being able to know what was going on, constantly wondering what was happening, what Brendon was feeling, what he was having to go though, it was so overwhelming. Dallon had been reminding himself constantly all morning to remember to breath.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Little things were beginning to drive Dallon mad. The tree branch hitting the window, the girl hitting her index finger with her pen, a smell her could only describe as someone coming into class after dousing themselves in cheap, shitty perfume right before class, and the never ending ticking of the goddamn clock. _Tick. Tick. Tick._ Zippers zipping, papers rustling, binder clips clicking, chairs scraping against the floor, the _clock_ ,  _Tick. Tick. Tick. Ti-_

Suddenly Dallon felt someone tapping him on the shoulder. He was so transfixed on watching the clock, the sudden feeling made him jump, almost out of his chair. It was Tyler.

"Hey man, you okay?" Tyler whispered, his voice full of concern. "You've been acting weird all morning."

"Just worried about Brendon." Dallon whispered back, trying not to draw attention to their conversation. Tyler nodded, realization washing over him.

"God, I completely forgot.." Tyler whispered apologetically. Dallon shrugged. "But I'm sure he's getting though it." Tyler replied. "Bren's stubborn. I doubt he's gonna give in without kicking and screaming." The two shared a small chuckle, trying to be discreet. Mr. Higgins gave them a dirty look before returning his attention to the class. "What an ass." Tyler murmured.

"Tell me about it.." Dallon replied. "If I never had to take one of his classes again it'd be too soon."

"Tell _me_ about it.." Tyler smiled. Dallon smiled back. "I don't think Brendon wants you to be worrying this much, Dal. I mea-" Tyler was cut off by the lunch bell ringing. Dallon gave Tyler one last look before gathering his things. Tyler gave him a reassuring smile as Dallon bolted out of the classroom to his locker. He threw his things inside before running out to front steps, not even bothering with his jacket. He flew down them and ran to the bleachers by the running track so he could be alone. He dialled Brendon's number and waited anxiously, watching his breath. Someone picked up after the third ring.

"Hey Dallon." It was Spencer.

"Spencer, hey-"

"Is that Dallon?" Dallon faintly heard a weak yet hopeful voice on the other line. Relief washed over Dallon's body at the sound.

"Yeah, it is. You wanna talk to him?" Spencer asked. Dallon couldn't hear Brendon's response over the sound of beeping machines in the hospital room. "I'm gonna put you on speaker with Brendon,  okay?" Spencer asked.

"Yes, yes absolutely." Dallon replied, nodding quickly though he knew no one could see him.

"Dallon, hey!" Brendon's voice was strained and he sounded exhausted. Dallon had to remind himself to breath. "I didn't think you were gonna call."

"I had to." Dallon replied quickly. "I've been thinking about you all day." Dallon heard Brendon giggling, and the sound made him smile wildly. "I miss you."

"I- I really miss you." Brendon squeaked back. "I wish I was with you and everybody at school." Brendon inhaled sharply and audibly.

"We do too, Bren. How're you feeling?" Dallon asked. Brendon cleared his throat before answering.

"Tired." He sighed. "Really really tired. Uncomfortable." Dallon heard Brendon take a deep breath. "But hearing your voice makes me feel better." Dallon's heart fluttered.

"I'm glad. I'm really glad, Bren." Brendon whimpered over the phone. "How much longer until you're done?" Dallon asked.

"Um, I haven't really been able to pay much attention to it but uh.. I think I'm almost though the first round." Brendon replied. Dallon could hear Spencer murmuring something to Brendon. "Yeah, almost through with the first round."

"I wish I could be there with you.." Dallon sighed.

"I wish you were here too." Brendon responded. "I really wish I could see you right now." Dallon grimaced at the sound of Brendon groaning in pain. "I really really miss you."

"I really really miss you too bud." Dallon replied. He was confused by a faint sound he couldn't distinguish and an "Aw, Bren.." From Spencer. "What happened?" Dallon asked, worry slamming into him.

"Brendon puked all over himself. I think I'm gonna get him cleaned up and give him some time to try and relax and then call you back, is that alright?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah, yeah of course. I'll be waiting." Dallon heard the same small sound, which he could now assume was the sound of gagging. "Tell Brendon I love him." Dallon whispered though the phone.

"Will do. Bye Dal." _Click._

Dallon sat alone on the old bleachers. His phone held tightly in his hand. He could clearly imagine Brendon in that hospital room. Weak, in pain. Such a contrast to how most people know him as being vibrant, happy and strong. The Brendon Dallon knows goes way deeper than most people that know Brendon will ever know or get to experience. Reluctantly, Dallon made his way back to the entrance of the school. He saw Tyler leaning on his locker.

"How's he doing?" Tyler asked once Dallon was close. Dallon shrugged as Tyler moved over so Dallon could open his locker.

"He could be better." Dallon admitted. Dallon pulled his lunch out of his locker and slipped into his jacket. "Where's everyone else?"

"The cafeteria. They're gonna meet us by the track after they finish eating." Dallon nodded and the two made their way back outside, a thick silence surrounding them. Dallon knew if Brendon were here he would know just what to say to lighten the mood. Dallon wanted nothing more than for him to be here, to be well.

"Do you think what his doctors are saying is true?" Dallon asked after a few minutes of sitting in silence with Tyler. "Do you think he'll be dead in a year?"

Tyler sat with the question for a while before responding. "We have no way of knowing, Dal." Dallon nodded, as if he already knew what Tyler's answer would be. He looked down at his untouched lunch. He was in no mood to eat right now. "I can tell coach you're not going to the practice after school if you want." Tyler said after a while. "So you don't have to deal with him."

"Thanks."Dallon replied thankfully. Coach Adams could be a real pain sometimes when people flat out missed practices, and though he has always been compassionate about it in the past, Dallon just suspected it was because he was at least attending games.

But now everything was different.

Dallon fidgeted where he was sitting before standing abruptly. "I'm really sorry, Ty. I'm not in the mood to see everyone right now, I'll see you in homeroom." His speech was rushed as he gathered his uneaten lunch from next to him.

"Hey, I totally get it. It's okay." Tyler replied in a gentle voice. Dallon nodded at Tyler in gratitude before hurriedly making his way down the bleachers. He put his stuff in his locker and made his way to Mr. Shea's class. Thankfully, Mr. Shea spends almost every lunch hour in his class.

Dallon sank down into his seat and put his head on his desk. For a few moments all he could hear was the ticking of Mr. Shea's clock.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

"Dallon, are you okay?" Mr. Shea finally asked.

"I just needed to be away from everybody for a bit." Dallon replied into his sleeve.

"Is this about Brendon?" Mr. Shea asked. Dallon lifted his head from his desk and looked at the teacher. Mr. Shea got up and closed the door to his classroom before sitting on the desk next to Dallons. Brendon's desk.

"Just... He- He's in the hospital right now, he's being given chemotherapy and I'm.. I'm just so worried." His voice wavering on the last word he spoke. Dallon let his head drop onto the desk again. He felt Mr. Shea give him a few pats on the back.

"I'll be right back, Dallon." He said. Dallon heard footsteps walking towards the door. He heard the door open and close. He heard the ticking of the clock.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Dallon thought of Brendon laying in a hospital bed, too weak to move.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

He thought of Brendon vomiting all over himself, not being able to help it.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

He thought of Brendon not being able to sit up on his own.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

He thought of Brendon loosing all his hair.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

He thought of Brendon not being able to breath without aid from machines.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

He thought of the way Brendon's lips tasted.

_Tick. Tick._

He wondered if he'd ever taste them again.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

The door opened, and Dallon could hear papers rustling. He felt them being placed on his desk. He lifted his head again. Sitting in front of him were various worksheets. Mr. Shea placed a final slip of paper onto the stack. An early release form.

"Have these done for tomorrow, if that's possible. You can email me if you have any questions about the work." Dallon looked up at Mr. Shea, confused. "Go see him." Mr. Shea whispered. "And tell him I say hello."

"..Thank you." Dallon whispered, not sure how to react. Mr. Shea nodded and walked back to his desk. Dallon grabbed the forms and raced out of the room. He gathered his stuff from his locker and bolted to the parking lot. He started his car and sped away from the school. And even though the only noise he could hear was the engine of his car as it sped towards the hospital, the sound of a clock ticking played over and over in his head.

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really really like this chapter. i'm hoping you guys do, too. don't be afraid to let me know what you think.


	14. A Fire In A Flask To Keep Us Warm (Pt.1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dal I'm so over this." Brendon whispered. Dallon gave Brendon's hand a small squeeze.
> 
> "So am I. I hate seeing you like this."
> 
> "You don't have too." Brendon said quietly, he opened his eyes and looked at Dallon, his eyes searching for nothing in particular. "You could be at school with everyone." Dallon laughed.
> 
> "And sit in Mr. Leonard's class next to Pete for an hour and a half?" Dallon leaned down and kissed Brendon's forehead. "I'd much rather be here with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes, it's been almost a month! do people even read this story anymore? i guess i'll find out. i decided to split this chapter into three parts for no real reason other than there isn't much time skipping in this chapter, so chapters 14, 15 and 16 will all be under the same name, and it's defiantly not because it was becoming harder to find panic and fob song titles or lyrics that somehow fit with certain chapters. (speaking of fob does their new song sound good or what) anyways, thanks for sticking around, you know, if you're still reading. i hope you're enjoying the story so far, and there is much more to come. enjoy chapter 14!

monday, the 1st of february. 12:58 pm. week 4

After what seemed like hours, Dallon finally pulled into the hospital parking lot. He's been through this hundreds of times. Dallon enters though the front doors- some days he walks in calmly, other days he runs in, panicked. Today was a mixture of both. Lots of the nurses at the check in desk know him by now, so he'll get Brendon's room number and he rushes up to see him. Today was a pretty average day in those regards. There have been days like this before and Dallon knew there would be days like this in the near future.

Dallon rushed to the elevators, waiting impatiently as they came down from the eleventh floor. Once the doors opened he stepped on, reminding himself to breath. He couldn't whisper kind affirmations to himself like 'Don't worry, Brendon is fine.' or 'It's not like he's dying.'.

Brendon is not fine, and he is dying.

The doors opened and he made his way hastily down the hallway until he reached the infamous door. The numbers on the door seemed brand new despite never being changed in 40 years, and the orange and white curtain was drawn across the narrow window. Dallon raised his hand hesitantly, and waited a moment before knocking.

"Dallon?" Spencer exclaimed, obviously surprised since Dallon hadn't called saying he was coming. "Aren't you supposed to be in class?" His voice was hushed and he was almost whispering.

"Mr. Shea excused me from the rest of my classes." Dallon explained. "I was really worried." Spencer sighed and opened the door to let Dallon in. Dallon's eyes darted to the hospital bed where Brendon was shivering slightly in his restless sleep. 

"He just fell asleep." Spencer explained. "I don't wanna wake him up." Dallon walked over to Brendon slowly, as if quick movements would wake him. He sat in the chair he presumed Spencer had been sitting in moments before. He carefully took Brendon's small, cold hand in his. His skin felt like ice and his fingers were blue. For the first time he saw the icy blue liquid flowing into him. He looked up at Spencer, who was not sitting on the couch. "I know, it's a bit overwhelming to see."

"You don't realize how sick he is until you see him like this." Dallon said, his throat tightening. Spencer nodded.

"Hey, would you mind if I left you here with him for a second? I'm in dire need for caffeine." Dallon nodded quickly.

"Yeah, yeah totally. Pick me up a dark roast?" Spencer smiled a joyless smile.

"Sure." And with that, he was gone.

Dallon looked down at Brendon. He was expressionless. His breathing was for the most part calm but every so often his breath would hitch or he'd cough. He was shirtless, presumably because he had puked on his shirt and didn't want to bother with another one. Dallon couldn't really blame him, if he were in that situation that would be the least of his problems. Dallon bit his lip while rubbing Brendon's hand with his thumb. 

"I know you're gonna hate me leaving school to come here.." Dallon whispered after a few minutes. "But you have a knack for driving me crazy."

"In a good way or a bad way?" Brendon asked lazily, not opening his eyes. Dallon chuckled softly.

"I thought you were asleep." Brendon adjusted his grip on Dallon's hand and gave it a light squeeze, trying to smile.

"You didn't answer my question." Brendon complained, his words slurring.

"How could you driving me crazy be bad?" Dallon asked. Brendon winced, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Dal I'm so over this." Brendon whispered. Dallon gave Brendon's hand a small squeeze.

"So am I. I hate seeing you like this."

"You don't have too." Brendon said quietly, he opened his eyes and looked at Dallon, his eyes searching for nothing in particular. "You could be at school with everyone." Dallon laughed.

"And sit in Mr. Leonard's class next to Pete for an hour and a half?" Dallon leaned down and kissed Brendon's forehead. "I'd much rather be here with you." 

"Your lips are burning hot." Brendon remarked, closing his eyes again and raising his eyebrows.

"Temperature wise or looks wise?" Dallon asked, cocking an eyebrow at him.

"Both. But more temperature wise at the moment." Brendon's speech slowed down.

"Yeah I figured. Are you supposed to be this cold?" Brendon licked his dry lips, a large shiver running down his spine.

"Not sure. You wanna ask?"

"I feel like we should. Just incase." Dallon replied, pressing the call button attached to Brendon's bed. A few moments later Aaliyah and Brook came into the room. They both seemed surprised to see Dallon.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" Brooke asked as she sat on a stool and wheeled it next to Brendon while pulling on a pair of plastic gloves. Dallon shrugged.

"I'm here for moral support." He answered.

"I requested him." Brendon said, rolling his R dramatically and earning a smile from the nurse and doctor. Brook checked on the small container of chemicals before turning her attention to the two boys.

"How's the nausea, Brendon? Have you vomited at all since we were in here last?" Brendon shook his head.

"No puke, but the nausea is still really bad." Brook nodded, writing something on a clipboard. She sighed.

"And the chest pain is still persisting?" She asked. Brendon nodded. "So what seemed to be the problem?" Brook asked. Brendon opened his eyes to look at her.

"His skin is really cold." Dallon answered. "He feels like ice." Brook placed her hand on Brendon's forehead, looking shocked once she made contact.

"Aaliyah, would you take his temperature for me?" Brook asked as she wheeled herself to the cabinets by the door. Aaliyah reached above the two, grabbing an ear thermometer and sticking it in Brendon's ear. He closed his eyes again. They waited for a while before it beeped.

"Oh my.." She whispered. "96.8..."

"Holy hell, it's that low?" Brook asked, shocked. Aaliyah nodded. Brook wheeled back over to the bed, placing her hand on Brendon's forehead once again, then on his cheek. Brendon opened his eyes, and Dallon could see pain behind them. "You cannot seem to catch a break lately, can you bud?" She asked sadly. Brendon sighed and closed his eyes again, not responding. Brook looked up at Aaliyah. "I say we do some tests and stop treatment until further notice, that sound good to you?" She asked. The older woman nodded.

"What are you gonna check for?" Dallon asked. Brendon gave Dallon's hand a small squeeze.

"This is probably the result of one or more of three things; it's either just his lupus, it's a dramatic side effect of the chemo which could be tied back to the lupus, or it's organ failure. Which could be tied back to the lupus or the chemo." Brook explained as she started shutting down and unhooking Brendon from the machines. "We're gonna check for those things first and go from there." Brendon winced as Brook unattached the tubes from Brendon's central line.

Just then, Spencer walked in with two cups of coffee. "What'd I miss?" He asked as he handed one of the cups to Dallon.

"My organs are failing and I'll be dead in six months instead of a year." Brendon mumbled. Aaliyah rolled her eyes.

"When did you become so morbid, boy?" She asked as she covered Brendon with another blanket. Brendon winced as an IV was taken out of his hand.

"My dad died and depression runs in the family." Brendon replied, his words slurred. He coughed weakly and dryly. "It was just a matter of time." Dallon looked up at Spencer questioningly. Spencer chuckled as he sat down on the couch.

"It's the lack of sleep talking, he's not gonna remember any of this in a couple of hours."

"I'm gonna remember my organs failing." Brendon murmured. "I'm gonna remember Dallon being here. I'm gonna remember you not bringing _me_ a coffee. I think you're underestimating my memory Mr. Smith." Spencer rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee. Brendon's head rolled to face Dallon and his eyes opened lazily. Brendon sighed. "They're gonna take my blood, and then I'm gonna have to go." Brendon licked his lips again. "They're gonna take me to this real cold room. They're gonna make me get out of this bed and put me in a wheelchair."

"I'll be right back with that." Aaliyah said. "Hang tight hun." Brendon yawned.

"I'm very tired." Brendon stated, his eyes once again falling shut. "I really don't wanna get out of this bed." Dallon smiled sadly and brushed some hair away from his face.

"I wish you didn't have to." Dallon responded. Brendon nodded, sighing again.

"What time is it?" Brendon asked no one in particular.

"One sixteen." Spencer replied. Brendon lifted his arm and pointed in Brooks direction.

"Brook, hand me the confetti popper. I've made it to twenty four hours without sleep."

"I'd rather be handing you sedatives but you're on so many other drugs I'd probably put you in a coma." Brendon raised his eyebrows.

"You know, a coma doesn't sound too bad right about now.." Brendon mumbled as Brook wheeled herself over to Brendon with everything she needed for a blood sample.

"Alright Brendon, you're gonna feel a pinch." Brook said. Brendon winced as the needle was inserted into his arm. Brook drew the blood and removed the needle. She held a small cotton ball to where the needle was. "All done. You did great." She told Brendon as Aaliyah returned. Brendon sighed.

"I have to get up now, don't I?" Brendon asked. Brook pursed her lips.

"Afraid so." She nodded as she set aside the blood samples. She looked over at Dallon. "Can you and Spencer help me out?" The two boys nodded and got up. Dallon and Brook helped Brendon sit upright and slowly dangle his legs over the edge of his bed. Aaliyah and Brook shared a worried look, seeing how swollen his legs were. Spencer and Brook put their hands under Brendon's arms. Dallon came around to the front of Brendon, holding a small pink puke bucket under his chin, just incase. Brendon smiled at him without opening his eyes. "We're gonna lift on three, okay Brendon?"

"Yes ma'm." Brendon nodded.

"Alright. One, two, three." Brook and Spencer lifted Brendon to his feet. Brendon moaned in pain, before leaning forward and vomiting into the bucket. Brook and Spencer maneuvered him into the wheelchair. "You doing alright there Bren?" Brook asked once he'd plopped into the chair.

"Peachy." Brendon replied, reaching for Dallon. He wrapped his arms around Dallon's, hugging the taller boy to him. Spencer reached for one of the blankets on his bed and draped it over Brendon. Brendon smiled.

"Well, seeing as this is a four person job, I say let's get you to that first scan." Brook smiled. She handed Dallon a clean container for Brendon incase he vomited again, and they all set out, down the elevators to the first of five scans.

And Brendon was not happy by the end of them.

"Am I done?" Brendon asked after his second ultrasound. Brook brushed some hair out of Brendon's face.

"With scans, yes. You still have one more thing we need you to do." She explained.

"What thing?" Brendon asked, his voice heavy with exhaustion.

"Urine sample. Then you're done." Brook answered.

"Mhmm." Brendon murmured. Seeing Brendon like this broke Dallon's heart. The five of them entered Brendon's hospital room. Aaliyah had to leave, but everyone else stayed. Brook got down on one knee so she was level with Brendon's face.

"Brendon, Spencer is gonna help you with this last little thing and then you can go to bed, okay?" She asked. Brendon's eyes barely opened to look at her.

"..Okay" He managed.

"You're a trooper, Brendon." Brook replied. She and Spencer managed to get him up and lead him to the bathroom without Brendon vomiting, which was good. Spencer helped Brendon into the bathroom and they emerged a minute later. Spencer handed the cup to Brook and lead him to his bed, where he collapsed into it tiredly.

"Sorry it's not that much.." Brendon mumbled.

"It's fine, bud. This is all we'll need. Try to get some sleep, okay Brendon?" Brook said as she hooked Brendon up to an IV. "I'm gonna put a rush on these tests so we can find out what's going on as soon as we can, okay?"

"Does my mom know?" Brendon asked, his free hand searching for Dallon. Dallon grabbed his hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing his freezing skin.

"We're trying to get ahold of her, she's been very busy lately." Brook answered. Brendon nodded slowly.

"When she's free can you ask her to.. Come up and see me?" Brendon asked tiredly. Brook smiled at the small boy.

"Of course." Brook said as she made her way to the door. "Ring if you need me." She called as she left the room.  Brendon sighed, opening his eyes and looking at Dallon.

"Go to sleep." Dallon whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?" Brendon asked, his eyes pleading. Dallon nodded.

"Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for being patient with this new chapter, i know it's not like me to wait almost a month in between chapter updates, but i just wanted to give advance warning this time that there might not be another update for three ish weeks, i'm going to ottawa for canada day and we're staying until the 15th, and i'm not sure when i'll have time to update this once i'm back, but hopefully i might be able to on the trip if i have some free time. 
> 
> so in the meanwhile, happy early canada day to my fellow canadians and thanks to you and everyone else for your patience.


	15. A Fire In A Flask To Keep Us Warm (Pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon was comfortably snuggled against Dallon, his head resting in the crook of the taller boy's neck.
> 
> "I'm taking someone else's second chance, Dallon." Brendon whispered.
> 
> "Shhh." Dallon shushed the boy, kissing his cold forehead. "Sometimes you need to put yourself before others."
> 
> "It feels wrong." Brendon muttered, yawning. Dallon smiled.
> 
> "Just get some more sleep, okay? I'll be right here." Brendon sighed, relaxing into Dallon. Moments later he drifted off.

monday, the 1st of february. 4:06 pm. week 4

Brendon's chest rose and fell rhythmically under the layers of blankets on top of him. He had finally fallen asleep after twenty four hours of pain that ranged to mildly uncomfortable to agonizing. Dallon had been watching him sleep for four and a half hours, counting the time in between each breath he took.

Spencer had left not long after Brendon had fallen asleep for work, so Dallon had been here with Brendon alone. Waiting for someone to come and tell him what was going on with his best friend.

"Hey." Brook whispered as she opened the door to Brendon's room. She smiled at Brendon. "How's he doing?" She asked as she entered, closing the door softly as to not wake Brendon.

"This is the most peaceful I've seen him in weeks." Dallon admitted. "Any news?" Brook sat on her stool on the other side of Brendon.

"Not all the tests are in yet, but from what I saw it's looking like it's kidney failure." Dallon's grip on Brendon's hand got a little tighter. "But I could be wrong. It could be lots of other things." Dallon nodded.

"Is Grace gonna be up to see Brendon soon?" Dallon asked, looking down at the sleeping boy.

"No, not for a while, one of her patients has been crashing all day, she's putting most of her focus on that right now. But she'll try to come say hi once Brendon is awake again."

"Who says I'm asleep?" Brendon asked, his eyes still closed. Dallon and Brook chuckled.

"When did you wake up?" Brook asked. Brendon shrugged.

"I heard my name." He replied easily. "Is my mom gonna come up soon?"

"Her patients have been giving her a real run for her money today, she's really swamped right now." Brook told Brendon. Brendon nodded his head.

"I understand. She's a good doctor." Brendon stated.

"She is." Brook replied. "How are you feeling, bud?" She asked. Brendon sighed.

"Chest hurts, mostly. But the sleep was nice. How long was I out?" Brendon asked.

"Almost three hours." Dallon replied. "It's not much but it's something." Brendon nodded. Brook looked at her watch.

"I really have to get going, but it was nice to talk to you for a bit, Bren. I don't think I'm gonna be seeing you for a while but I'll try to stop in and say hi every once and a while, okay?" Brendon smiled, opening his eyes.

"Thanks." Brendon smiled. She smiled and nodded at the two before getting up and leaving the room. Brendon turned to Dallon. "Is Spencer still here?"

"No," Dallon replied. "He left for work a couple of hours ago." Brendon nodded, averting his eyes and looking at nothing in particular.

"Has anyone told you anything?" Brendon asked. "About me?"

"No." Dallon replied quickly. "They're still waiting on the last of the test results." Brendon nodded.

"I'm more scared than I thought I would be." Brendon admitted. "The reality of the situation is finally hitting me in the face." Brendon gave Dallon's hand a small squeeze. "You being here makes it less scary, though." Dallon smiled.

"I'm glad." Brendon smiled, still staring off into space. He snapped out of it when the door opened and Dr. Hall walked into the room. Both boys stared at him anxiously. Brendon knew the diagnosis before the doctor even opened his mouth.

"You sleep alright Brendon?" He asked as he pulled up the stool and sat on it. He rolled himself to the other side of Brendon's bed, right across from Dallon.

"Yeah." Brendon mumbled. Dr. Hall sighed.

"You already know what I'm going to say, don't you?" He asked Brendon. Brendon's eyes fell and he stared at the blankets draped over his legs.

"My kidneys are failing, aren't they?" Brendon asked. Dr. Hall nodded. "Which one?" Brendon asked timidly.

"Both." Dr. Hall replied. Brendon took a deep breath.

"Oh.." He exhaled. "Well... It has been a long time coming.."

"We caught it just in time." Dr. Hall commented. "Another day or two and it could've be deadly."

"So what are we going to do?" Brendon asked.

"We are going to get those kidneys out of you as soon as possible. We have no other choice." Dr. Hall told Brendon. Brendon sighed. "We've bumped you to the top of the waiting list an-"

"You  _what?"_  Brendon asked, snapping out of his fatigue and pushing himself up from his hospital bed. He winced loudly and Dallon had to help him up.

"Brendon you really can't afford to wait, as soon as we get suitable kidneys for you you're going under." Dr. Hall explained.

"That is not fair to everyone else who's been waiting! You can't just do that!" Brendon argued. "I have to wait just like everybody else, I can't just cut the line! What about everyone else who's been waiting for god knows how long! I can't jus-"

"Brendon!" Dr. Hall almost shouted. "If you don't have new kidneys by Thursday there is a very high chance you won't live to see another Friday. You  _cannot_  afford to wait." He stressed. "The patients who are in desperate need for the organs are put at the top of the list, Brendon." Dr. Hall explained. "You are the youngest person on the list, and you're also in the worst condition. That is just how the system works." Brendon turned his face to Dallon. Dallon was trying hard not to cry, trying to be strong for his sake, Brendon could see that. He instantly felt guilty for arguing.

"Can I be alone with Dallon please." Brendon asked the doctor.

"I'll be back in fifteen minutes." Dr. Hall concluded. He stood and left the room. Brendon's head fell into his hands as he sighed deeply. He fell back onto his hospital bed.

"Lay down with me, please." Brendon murmured.

"What?" Dallon asked.

"My organs are failing my chest really hurts my head is pounding and I'm freezing lay down with me." Brendon blurted out, exasperated. Dallon moved quickly, laying next to Brendon on his bed. Brendon readjusted himself awkwardly, his port IV making it difficult. After a few seconds Brendon was comfortably snuggled against Dallon, his head resting in the crook of the taller boy's neck.

"I'm taking someone else's second chance, Dallon." Brendon whispered.

"Shhh." Dallon shushed the boy, kissing his cold forehead. "Sometimes you need to put yourself before others."

"It feels wrong." Brendon muttered, yawning. Dallon smiled.

"Just get some more sleep, okay? I'll be right here." Brendon sighed, relaxing into Dallon. Moments later he drifted off.

* * *

 

Brendon woke up to Dallon rubbing his back and quietly calling his name. He lazily opened his eyes and looked up at Dallon. Dallon smiled back at him.

"Hey." Dallon whispered. Brendon yawned, looking around the dimly lit room.

"What time is it?" Brendon asked.

"Almost eight." Dallon replied.

"P.m?" Brendon asked, the room being much too light for only two hours passing.

"A.m. We decided to let you sleep a little."

"So.. I was holding you here hostage for over twelve hours?" Brendon asked. Dallon chuckled.

"You're a heavy sleeper." Both boys were startled by the door opening and Aaliyah walking into the room.

"Oh, good he's up." She cheered. She came and sat on the other side of Brendon's bed. Brendon turned himself around to face her. "Brendon, we have kidneys for you. The organs just came in and we need to keep them fresh so we need to start getting you ready now. We're gonna be operating in less than an hour." Brendon nodded quickly. "The surgical team is gonna be here in ten minutes, so we need you to put this gown on, alright?" She explained while placing a hospital gown at the foot of the bed. Brendon nodded again. Aaliyah smiled at the two sadly before leaving.

"I have to tell the others." Brendon said, trying to sit himself up. Dallon helped him and sat up himself. "Let's call Patrick. He can tell everyone else." Dallon nodded, getting his phone out. He dialed Patrick's number and waited. He picked up on the second ring.

"Dallon?" Patrick asked.

"No, it's Brendon. I'm calling from his phone."

"Oh, hi Bren. Is everything okay?"

"Listen, I need you to tell the others when you get to school.. I'm getting new kidneys." Patrick gasped over the phone.

"God, Bren I didn't even know you needed new kidneys.."

"Neither did I until yesterday." Brendon admitted. Patrick was silent for a moment.

"Geez, well I hope everything goes well. I'll tell the others when I see them." Patrick assured.

"Thanks. But could I ask you to do something for me?" Brendon asked.

"Anything." Patrick replied.

"Don't tell them until after school. If everything goes well I'll be out of surgery by then, I just don't want them freaking out all day. And I'm sorry I just kinda dumped this on you right before school I just.. I felt like I had to talk to you before it happens.." Brendon explained. "And I feel like you'll be able to handle it better than anyone else."

"No, Bren don't worry about it. I'm glad you told me." Patrick added. Brendon could sense the worry in his voice over the line. "Good luck."

"Thanks. Tell the others I love 'em. And I love you too, for the record." Patrick laughed nervously.

"Love you too, Bren. I've gotta get going."

"Yeah, of course. I'll see you when I see you?"

"Yeah, bye Brendon." Brendon hung up and handed the phone back to Dallon.

"Well," Brendon sighed. "That didn't make me feel any better." Dallon hugged the smaller boy to him, planting a kiss on his forehead. "Who do you think is gonna freak the most?" Brendon asked.

"Either Tyler or Josh." Dallon replied.

"Really? My money's on Pete." Brendon commented. Dallon rolled his eyes.

"I guess we'll have to wait and see." Brendon sighed again.

"You should probably get out of here now, once the surgeons come in they can't have anyone else in bed with me." Brendon smiled. Dallon chuckled and nodded. He pecked Brendon on the lips quickly before moving to the chair next to his bed. "Hey, did my mom ever come up?" Brendon asked. Dallon nodded as he helped Brendon sit up. Brendon slid his sweatpants and underwear off under his sheets as Dallon handed him the gown.

"She did, right before she went home. She'll be back after the surgery with some stuff from home for you." Brendon nodded, sliding it on and letting Dallon tie up the back. The door burst open and in walked several surgeons and Dr. Hall.

"Brendon, this is your surgeon Dr. Cooper, she'll be operating on you today." The tall surgeon stepped forward and shook Brendon's hand. "You're in good, steady hands with her, Brendon." Dr. Hall assured before leaving. To Brendon's surprise, Spencer squeezed past Dr. Hall through the door. He came over and hugged Brendon.

"I just heard they were operating today." He said out of breath. "I came over as quickly as I could."

"Spencer you didn't have to-"

"No, Brendon I really did." Spencer but him off. Spencer pulled away and smiled. "I love ya, bud. I couldn't go to work without coming over." Brendon tried to smile back. Spencer moved to the couch and sat down as the mess of surgeons crowded around Brendon and began discussing operation. Brendon held tightly to Dallon's hand the entire time.

"Alright Brendon, can we get you to lie down so we can draw the incision lines on your stomach?" Dr. Cooper asked. Brendon nodded and laid down, lifting his gown. He smiled at Dallon as she began to draw lines on his stomach.

"It tickles." Brendon smiled.

"You're such a dork." Dallon smiled. Brendon shrugged. The door opened, and Brook walked in wheeling a cart of various medications.

"Guess who's putting you under?" She asked.

"Anyone but you I hope." Brendon said sarcastically.

"I thought you only worked with chemo?" Dallon wondered out loud.

"I deal with all the big drugs around here. That includes chemo, it also includes anesthetics." Brook explained. "Now, you want a mask or a needle Brendon?" She asked.

"Needle, I don't like the way the mask feels on my face." Brendon stated. Brook nodded, getting the supplies she needed. She took Dr. Cooper's place on the stool next to his bed.

"You know how this works, right?" She asked.

"Count backwards from twenty and pray I wake up." Brendon replied. Brook rolled her eyes. She inserted the needle into Brendon's arm, and Brendon started counting slowly. He looked up at Dallon once he got to seven. "See you on the other side, love." He slurred before his eyes closed.

And just like that, he was out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if this chapter is completely 100% medically accurate, i can only do so much with google, but i hope you enjoy the chapter nonetheless. part 3 is a real doozie, my friends, just you wait ;^)


	16. A Fire In A Flask To Keep Us Warm (Pt. 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Remember this, Brendon; Every word you sing, every note you play, I'm there with you. Singing a harmony, guiding your fingers. I always have been. And not even death can stop me from being with my son when he's doing what he loves most." Brendon nodded. The world around him began darkening. The two looked around. "Looks like you're coming to." Brendon's father observed.
> 
> "I wanna stay here with you." Brendon choked out. Brendon's father chuckled, wiping the lone tear that slid down Brendon's bright pink cheek.
> 
> "Dallon and Spencer are waiting for you. Tell them I say hello, will ya?"

tuesday, the 2nd of february. 11:38 am. week 4

Dallon and Spencer had been sitting in a waiting room for almost four hours now. They had been trying to distract themselves by chatting and watching TV, and it even kinda worked for a while. But worry was eating away at them. This wasn't the most complicated of operations, but there was always the chance that Brendon's body would reject the organs.

One of the surgeons burst into the door, and the urgency he presented didn't calm Dallon in the slightest. Both he and Spencer stood from the couch.

"The procedure is finished, but Brendon's body is showing signs of rejecting the kidneys. We've transferred him to the ICU." Dallon felt his heart drop and his guts twist.

"Can we see him?" Spencer asked, putting a hand on Dallon's shoulder.

"We're trying to stabilize him at the moment, once he is you can see him." The surgeon confirmed. Spencer nodded.

"Thank you." Spencer whispered. The surgeon nodded before leaving the room. Dallon swallowed hard. Spencer turned to him. "Hey, hey hey, breath." Dallon took a deep breath and sat down. Spencer sat down with him.

"Fuck.." Dallon breathed. "Fucking.. If that bastard dies I'm gonna kill him."

"Hey, he's strong. He's not gonna leave us, I know he won't." Dallon nodded. He leaned back into the couch, his head in his hands.

"This is so fucked up." Dallon sighed. His phone vibrated in his pocket, someone was calling him. He picked up without checking the caller ID.

"Hey."

"Where is Brendon? How is he? Why the hell didn't you tell us this earlier??" It was Pete.

"Look, Pete-"

"Brendon goes under and we don't even get to say goodbye to him? You decided to have Patrick tell us about this??"

"Pete-"

"No, don't you "Pete" me. Brendon is one of my best friends, I've known him  _just_  as long as you have, Dallon, so don't think that just because you two started fucking you're any more of a friend to him than I am-"

"Pete his body is rejecting the kidneys, okay?!" Dallon yelled though the phone, shooting up out of his place on the couch. "And I didn't call Patrick, Brendon used my phone to call him. Because he knew this was gonna fucking happen. He _knew_  you would loose your shit just like you always do. You're put in any kind of uncomfortable situation and you just fucking snap.  And don't you  _dare_  bring our relationship into this, you hear me? That is  _completely_   _none_  of your fucking business." The other end of the call was silent. "I have been sitting in this goddamn room for literal days and now Brendon might be dying for all I know, so  _excuse me_  if I'm a little fucking stressed, okay? Pete Wentz you have absolutely  _no right_  to be yelling at  _me_  right now.  _None_." Dallon heard faint mumbles over the phone.

"Dallon what the hell?" Patrick said angrily over the phone. "What did you just say to him? Pete's about to start crying for fucks sake!"

"Pat, I'm sorry but-"

"I understand you're stressed but making Pete cry isn't going to help anything."

"I didn't mean to I just-"

"You need to try and control yourself with Pete you know he can't deal with yelling."

"Can you stop interrupting me?! Brendon's body is rejecting the fucking transplant,  I'm sorry if I'm yelling but for all I know my boyfriend is fucking dead right now!" Patrick gasped over the phone.

"Dallon we're coming over there right-"

"NO! No no no no no  _the last_   _thing_  I need right now is an over-emotional friend and his posse to come over here and try to tell me everything is going to be okay. This is  _not_  okay, and there's a  _very_  slim chance that it will be. Pat I'm sorry but that is _not_  going to make this better for anyone." Patrick sighed over the phone.

"Call me as soon as you get an update." The line went dead. Dallon sighed angrily and threw his phone at the couch. Spencer stood up and lead Dallon back to the couch.

"Fuck..." Dallon whispered.

"Hey now, it's stress, just like you said. We all just need to calm down and breath." Spencer explained in as calm a voice he could manage. "Whatever happens is gonna happen, there isn't much we can do. His fate isn't in our hands." Dallon nodded, looking whiter than a ghost.

"I-I need to take a nap." Dallon stammered. Spencer nodded.

"That sounds like a good idea. I'll wake you up if they come back with any news." Dallon nodded, laying down on the couch and squeezing his eyes shut, desperately trying not to let tears fall.

\----

_"Dad?" Brendon asked. He was in a completely white room, wearing all white clothing. His father was standing in front of him, also completely in white._

_"God, you've grown so much." Brendon's father beamed. "I can't believe it."_

_"Am I dead?" Brendon asked, looking around the too bright room._

_"No, but your body is trying to reject the transplant." His father replied._

_"The one time my body actually tries to fight something off it's the one thing that could save my life.." Brendon whispered. "Great.." He looks up at his father. "You haven't changed a bit." His father chuckles._

_"Boy, you have, though. It's been amazing watching you grow up. I wish I could've seen it in person." Brendon's father sighed. "You haven't been singing." Brendon averted his eyes to the ground._

_"It's been kinda difficult without you." Brendon admitted. "My voice doesn't sound the same without yours, I guess."_

_"I miss hearing your voice." Brendon's father confessed. "I miss hearing you play guitar and piano while your mother dances in the living room."_

_"She has no one else to dance with." Brendon replied._

_"Well what about Dallon? From what I saw a few days ago he's an amazing dancer. And not a half bad singer either." Brendon smiled at the thought._

_"I don't even think I remember how to play anything anymore.." Brendon pointed out. Brendon's father walked up to his son, bringing him into a hug. Brendon hugged him back desperately, not ever wanting to let this moment go._

_"Remember this, Brendon; Every word you sing, every note you play, I'm there with you. Singing a harmony, guiding your fingers. I always have been. And not even death can stop me from being with my son when he's doing what he loves most." Brendon nodded. The world around him began darkening. The two looked around. "Looks like you're coming to." Brendon's father observed._

_"I wanna stay here with you." Brendon choked out. Brendon's father chuckled, wiping the lone tear that slid down Brendon's bright pink cheek._

_"Dallon and Spencer are waiting for you. Tell them I say hello, will ya?" Brendon sighed, nodding. "You still have what I gave you on my deathbed, right?" Brendon rolled his eyes._

_"Morbid, but yes." Brendon confirmed. Brendon's father hugged his son close one last time._

_"Don't be afraid of it.."_

_"I won't be.." Brendon whispered, a single tear sliding down his face. "Not anymore..."_

\----

Beeping, voices, pain. 

These were the first things Brendon noticed upon waking. He could feel tubes in his neck, arms, chest and abdomen, as well as a cuff around his arm. Pain seemed to come in waves, and time seemed to jump and skip, nothing made sense. Every time he closed and opened his eyes, everything was different. He couldn't seem to focus on anything.

Brendon was tired,  _so tired_ , and he could barely move. His vision was blurry and he wanted to cry. He was confused, he didn't know what was happening. He couldn't remember how he had gotten here but he couldn't seem to get any words to form in his mouth so he could ask. Whenever he tried to talk he was met with weak coughs, which escalated to harder and dryer coughs the more he tried to speak. He needed someone familiar, someone he knew, someone who could tell him what was going on. He was scared.

Though the oxygen mask on his face made it difficult, words finally came out of his mouth in between coughs. Names, to be more accurate. Spencer, Dallon, mom, where are they? What's happening? Am I dying? He was crying now, the ball of anxiety in the pit of his stomach only seeming to grow and grow and consume him. Where's Spencer, where's Dallon, I want Dallon.

Finally, a familiar face. Aaliyah. Brendon was still crying, coughing, he was still in pain, but he felt himself relax, if only a little bit. Strangers were still crowding around him, but he focused everything on the kind old nurse. She lovingly brushed hair from his face, the same way his own mother would. The look on her face told Brendon that he was alright. He tried to ask her what was going on, his voice weak and muffled. Aaliyah only shushed him.

"You're okay Brendon, hun. Just sleep, I know you're tired. You'll feel better real soon." Brendon trusts Aaliyah with his life, he always has. And when she told him to sleep once more, he didn't object, letting his fatigue outweigh his pain and disappear into himself.

\------- 

Brendon opened his eyes. Blinked a few times. The room was now quiet, less hectic, Dallon was looking back at him.

"Oh thank god." Dallon breathed. Brendon cocked his head at Dallon.

"I'm usually the one wearing the medical mask. What gives?" Brendon asked, his voice tired and raspy, still very weak. Dallon chuckled, wiping his eye. Brendon saw he was wearing gloves too.

"You're in the ICU. Your body almost rejected the kidneys, your immune system is crazy weak right now." Brendon nodded, processing the information. "How're you feeling?"

"Everything hurts, my mind is foggy, I'm-" He paused and weakly coughed. "-Tired." Brendon whimpered. Dallon smiled sadly.

"You really scared everyone, especially Pete, he flipped." Dallon recounted. Brendon nodded.

"I know my friends, I told you." He replied. Dallon smiled.

"I'm sorry I ever doubted you. They're waiting for you to call." Dallon noted

"Can we call them now?" Brendon asked hopefully. Dallon nodded pulling his phone out and dialing a number. He put the phone on speaker and held it to Brendon. The call was answered almost immediately.

"Dallon? How's Brendon?" Patrick asked worriedly. Brendon smiled.

"He's still asleep, not sure when he's gonna wake up." Dallon rolled his eyes at the smaller boy.

"Brendon? Guys it's Brendon!" Patrick shouted. Brendon heard voices all talking at once.

"Guys, guys I can't hear you when you're all talking at once." Brendon whispered, wincing slightly at the loud noise coming from the other end of the call. They heard shushing on the other end of the call.

"How are you feeling, Bren?" Patrick asked. Brendon cleared his throat.

"Really tired, and my sides are killing me. It feels like I've been cut open." Brendon heard chuckles over the phone.

"We're glad you're okay, Bren. We were all really worried about you."

"You guys should come and stop by if you get the chance." Brendon  enthused. "I don't know when I'll be allowed more visitors, but when I am you guys should stop in."

"We definitely will, Bren. We should let you get some rest for right now, though."

"I'll talk to you guys later. okay?"

"Alright, Bren, talk to you later." Everyone got a chance to say goodbye before Dallon hung up and took the phone back. Brendon sighed and looked up at Dallon.

"I'm sorry I worried you." Brendon apologized. Dallon chuckled.

"You had no control over it, Bren. There's no need to be sorry." Dallon intertwined his fingers with Brendon's, bringing it up to his face and pressing it against his cheek. Brendon's grip was weak, yet he still gave Dallon's hand a squeeze. Brendon saw another tear fall from Dallon's eye.

"Hey, hey I'm okay. You're okay, we're both okay." Brendon assured. Dallon sighed, chuckling softly.

"You drive me fucking mad, you know that?" Dallon asked, his voice shaking. Brendon smiled.

"You're gonna make me start crying, you asshat." Dallon laughed, sniffing. "Speaking of asshats, where's Spencer?"

"Ha ha ha. I'm flattered." Spencer laughed sarcastically as he walked into the room, adjusting the mask over his face.

"Jesus were you standing out there waiting for your queue or something?" Brendon asked.

"You'll never know Brenny." Spencer replied as he handed Dallon a cup of coffee. Brendon frowned.

"Why are you never bringing me coffee?" Spencer rolled his eyes as he sat at the foot of Brendon's bed.

"Because sugar and caffeine are the two things you need right now." He said sarcastically. Brendon tried to smile, but another wave of pain rolled through his body. He winced, letting his head loll to one side, facing Spencer more directly now. He was sitting in another chair on the opposite side of Dallon, closest to the door. "How're you doing, bud? Your first few hours post-op were pretty hard, I hear.." Brendon sighed. He wiped his face irritatedly.

"I can't remember much of it.. It was so loud and everything hurt.." Brendon averted his eyes, looking at nothing as he spoke."And I uh..I saw my dad." Brendon spoke quietly. "In a dream. Just before I came to." Dallon massaged Brendon's hand with his thumb. "It felt really real. I thought I was dead." Brendon looked back and forth at the two people on either side of him, trying to smile. "He wanted me to tell you two he says hello." Dallon and Spencer smiled. Brendon sighed again. "I'm still super tired, guys. Is it cool if I go back to sleep?" Spencer smiled sadly.

"The surgeons wanna see you again before you do. Said you were really out of it when you first woke up and they wanna give you a rundown on the operation. They're gonna be here soon, bud." Spencer explained. Brendon groaned quietly, looking up at the ceiling. As the realizations that his life was about to get  _even_ harder set in, Brendon wondered if he'd rather be dead.  _Maybe it wouldn't be that bad..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part three!! we done did it!!! im trying my hardest to make this not cheesey, but i feel like the story is getting cheesy.. is it? if it is, hopefully the next few chapters uncheesify it.. also, isn't it crazy that all of this happened in the span of only four weeks?? everything is happening so fast for our boys, will things start slowing down? or will their time together be cut short? is one more year to live a much more generous prediction than everyone had hoped, or will brendon be able to pull through and beat the increasing amount of odds being stacked against him??? it very much could go either way ladies and gentlemen, so the only way to find out is to keep reading!!
> 
> ack, there i go again w/ all that cheese. anyways, thanks for reading!


	17. Wishing And Waiting For You To Come Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sleep, Bren. Sleep." Spencer chuckled. "Can you do that for me?"
> 
> He can.

wednesday, the 3rd of february. 11:23 am. week 4

Brendon opened his eyes lazily to mid day light shining through his window. He took a deep breath, the sterile smell of the hospital flooding his airways. His mouth tasted of metal and his eyes were dry. He lifted his head and looked around his room. He was alone. Brendon's head fell back against his pillow.

"I'm so over this place." Brendon sighed.

"Eh, you're gonna be here for another five or six days at most." Spencer pointed out, walking into the hospital room. Brendon cocked an eyebrow at his friend as he came and sat next to his bed.

"This is either a case of extreme luck and excellent timing or a case of you waiting outside that goddamn door all the time waiting for a queue because you have no life, and both the former and the ladder are extremely plausible."

"What, did they put a thesaurus inside you when they were replacing your kidneys or something?" Spencer asked sarcastically. Brendon chuckled.

"I've been talking like this for years." He replied. Spencer smiled and ruffled Brendon's hair. "Hey!" Brendon exclaimed, pushing the gloved hand away and readjusting his hair. "I wanna try and keep what I have for as long as I can thank you very much." Spencer rolled his eyes.

"Male pattern baldness doesn't run in your family, Bren."

"Yeah, well taking drugs that kill hair cells does." Brendon huffed. Spencer sighed.

"How're you feeling?" Spencer asked. Brendon shrugged.

"Feverish. I think the incision is getting infected."

"Yikes." Spencer commented. "That'll keep you here for another week and a half at least." Brendon nodded.

"I know. I was really hoping to get out of here by the end of this week. This place is exhausting."

"Well Dr. Hall is gonna be in with Dr. Cooper soon so we'll be able to find out, alright?" Brendon nodded.

"Work treating you okay?" Brendon asked. Spencer nodded.

"Never been better. I just found out my boss is a huge David Bowie fan boy, it's great." Brendon smiled.

"That's amazing." Brendon smiled. Both boys looked up when they heard the door opening. Soon Spencer was sitting on the bed by the rooms window and Brendon's bedsides were crowded by doctors and surgeons all in masks and gloves.

First, Dr. Hall wanted the surgical residents to come in for rounds, which was fine with Brendon. Brendon never really enjoys being a lab rat for medical students, but most of the time he's in too much pain or on too many drugs to care. After being poked at and examined for five minutes, he was alone with Dr. Hall and Dr. Cooper.

"Yup.." Dr. Cooper sighed after looking at the incision on Brendon's stomach. "The incision is infected. And your immune system is in no place to fight the infection off right now."

"So what to we do?" Spencer asked from the other side of the room. "If you try to boost his immune system his body could reject the new kidneys."

"We're going to have to keep cleaning it and hope for the best. If it doesn't clear up in a few days we'll try and introduce some kind of medication that could help his body fight it but in extremely small doses." Dr. Cooper explained. "It's good that we caught it early though. I'm sure that this is just a small bump in the road and nothing huge to worry about."

"I'm not gonna be out of here by the end of the week am I?" Brendon asked. Dr. Cooper looked at Brendon apologetically.

"I'm afraid not, Brendon." Brendon sighed.

"We do want to get you to the bathroom to see if you're able to urinate though." Dr. Hall piped up from behind the surgeon. "Does that sound reasonable, Brendon?" Brendon nodded.

"Yeah, yeah I'm totally up for it." Brendon tried his best to sound energetic. Dr. Hall and Dr. Cooper smiled at the small boy.

"Alright. We'll have a physical therapist in here in about an hour or so, so just take it easy until then." Brendon nodded, and soon he was alone with Spencer again. Brendon closed his eyes and let out a slow sigh. He heard Spencer walk up to his bed.

"I just want to be out of here." Brendon grimaced. Brendon looked up at Spencer, examining his face. "Hey," Brendon offered. "Don't give me that look."

"What look?" Spencer asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

"That 'This is somehow my fault because there's nothing I can do to change the current situation Brendon is in but I feel like I should be able to do something none the less' look. You don't need to feel like that, and I don't need to see you like that. You're here with me, taking time off work because my mother can't bare to see me like this and you're not a shitty person." Brendon explained. "That's already doing so much. Please Spencer, don't give me that look. I can't take feeling guilty for things I can't control and neither can you."

Spencer sighed. He leaned back in his chair. Brendon tilted his head, looking at Spencer.

"Don't give me that look either." Brendon whispered. Spencer laughed, sitting up and leaning his elbows on his knees.

"Fuck, Brendon there are only so many ways I can look. What do you want me to do?" Spencer asked, trying to smile.

"I don't know I.. I'm just tired and my entire body is aching and everything is so hard and I can't take seeing you looking at me like I'm dying because I am dying..." Spencer shushed him.

"You just need to focus on getting well enough to get out of here for a while." Spencer explained. "You're obviously under a lot of stress right now, that's okay. You shouldn't worry about this stuff, Bren. It's not healthy to obsess over it all the time." Brendon nodded, looking at nothing in particular. His head lolled to one side and his squinted, as if the light coming through the hospital window was too bright.

"I'm just... Really really tired." Brendon mumbled, as if he were realizing it for the first time. Spencer stroked Brendon's hair.

"Nap for a bit. It's gonna be a busy day." Brendon nodded, licking his dry lips.

"Don't wake me up unless the building is on fire." Was the last thing Brendon uttered before drifting off.

\----

"Brendon?" Brendon scrunched his nose up at the sound of someone calling his name. "Bren-don!" The voice was very sing-songy, and Brendon didn't like it. He was too tired for something that sounded so.. Cheerful. "Bren.."

"Is the building on fire?" Brendon asked, still not opening his eyes.

"Last time I checked no." The voice replied.

"I recall telling you not to wake me up unless it was." Brendon grumbled, letting out a few coughs.

"You gave Spencer those instructions, not me." Brendon reluctantly opened his eyes. Dallon was staring back at him, a small smile on his face. Brendon likes that smile. It was genuine, content, innocent. Yes, this smile looks good on Dallon.

Brendon gave Dallon a confused look. "Are you skipping school again?" Brendon asked. Dallon shook his head.

"School ended an hour ago." Dallon explained. Brendon sighed in frustration and covered his face with his hands.

"I was only supposed to be asleep for an hour." He groaned.

"Dr. Hall wanted you to get some more rest, Bren." Spencer piped in from further away. "You're sleep has kinda been all over the place lately, and with the low grade fever and how clearly exhausted you were earlier it would've made no sense to wake you up."

"How long has it been?" Brendon asked.

"Only like five hours, I'm sure you'll be fine. I mean a little extra sleep has never killed anyone." Brendon could hear the smile in Spencer's voice from the other side of the room.

He didn't like it.

"Why are you guys so happy?" Brendon asked, lifting his blanket over his head. He heard Dallon and Spencer chuckle. "You guys are so loud."

"Aw, Bren. A little laughter would do you some good right about now." Spencer encouraged.

"Spence I know you're trying to help and bless you for it but I am really not in the mood." Dallon and Spencer could hear the anguish in Brendon's voice. "I'm sorry for raining on your parade here guys but I'm just too exhausted for all this cheerfulness." Dallon carefully lowered the blanket from Brendon's face, taking Brendon's hand in his in the process. Dallon smiled at Brendon sympathetically, and Brendon felt better, even if only a little.

Brendon's door opened and in walked a nurse and what Brendon presumed to be his physical therapist for the next week. She came over and shook Brendon's hand.

"Hi Brendon, my name is Ella and I'm going to be your physical therapist for the next little while." Knew it. "We're just gonna check your vitals and then we're gonna get you up to the bathroom, that sound good?" Brendon gave her an exhausted smile and nodded.

Having vitals checked didn't take long at all. The nurse seemed to have at least five years of experience, something Brendon had learned to appreciate.

Vitals were normal, fever had gone up slightly. Nothing groundbreaking.

"Have you been feeling like you need to use the bathroom at all since the surgery?" Ella asked as she raised Brendon's bed until he was at a sitting position. Brendon winced on the way up.

"Don't think so, no." Brendon replied. Ella nodded.

"Alright, I'm just gonna have you take my hands now and we're going to swing your legs over the edge of your bed. Alright?" Brendon nodded. He took her gloved hands and on the count of three she pulled his legs over the edge of his bed. Brendon groaned at the exertion, it being the most physical activity he's done in a long time. Brendon took a deep breath.

"I'm okay, I'm good." Brendon murmured under his breath, more to himself than anyone else. Ella smiled.

"You're doing a great job, Brendon." Brendon nodded, looking down at his feet intently. "I'm gonna help you up now, okay Brendon?" Brendon nodded again, still focused on his feet, as if he was scared they would walk away from him. Another count to three and a strenuous groan, and Brendon was standing up. Ella guided one of Brendon's hands to his IV pole, which he held onto for dear life. "How're you feeling?" Ella asked.

"A little nauseous and sore, but good." Brendon replied with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. Dallon felt a pang in his heart when he heard how much Brendon was straining to even speak. He couldn't begin to imagine how he felt.

Ella helped Brendon across the room slowly, and everyone could see Brendon shaking. But they didn't make it to the bathroom quick enough, and everyone knew what happened when Brendon began to swear at himself and cry.

"Brendon, Brendon it's okay, it's okay this happens to many many post kidney transplant patients, this is good news!" Ella tried, rubbing Brendon's back in an effort to calm him down. "This means the organs are functioning, this is really good news!" Spencer had gotten up too, rubbing Brendon's shoulders and trying to calm him down. Brendon was obviously very stressed, he couldn't seem to form any coherent words through his sobs besides profanities.

"Here, Bren. Why don't we wash you off and get you into some clean cloths and we get you back to bed, yeah?" Spencer asked. Brendon nodded, now grabbing firmly onto Spencer's sleeve. "Alright, it's okay Bren, you're okay, you're okay it's okay.." Spencer cooed, trying to shush his friend. Brendon sniffled as Spencer led him to the bathroom slowly, Ella behind them. Dallon just sat next to Brendon's bed, not completely sure what to do.

But after ten short minutes, the floor had been mopped, Brendon had been showered and was now being lead back to his bed. He almost collapsed into it, instantly melting into the soft mattress. He searched for Dallon's hand, taking it like it was a lifeline. Brendon looked at Dallon, exhaustion radiating off of him. Dallon smiled.

"You feeling better?" Dallon asked. Brendon took an uneven breath, still embarrassed and upset at himself. He nodded.

"I'm sorry you had to see that.. I- I know it was gross.." Brendon apologized. Dallon chuckled and kissed Brendon's forehead in response.

"Hey, your kidneys are working, that's all I care about. You have nothing to be sorry for." Dallon whispered back. Brendon smiled in return. Ella came into his room once again, and Brendon felt comforted by the soft smile on her face. He knew she's seen worse and he knew he had no reason to feel embarrassed around her. She is a doctor after all.

"You're showing really good progress both in your recovery and in your kidney function, Brendon." She started after taking a seat next to Brendon's bed. "Now, I don't want to push you too much today and I can see you're still clearly exhausted. I figured we'll get all the sitting and walking started tomorrow." The doctor smiled. "Your team might want to come in and talk for a bit but you're pretty much finished for today." Relief washed over Brendon.

"Thank you." Brendon whispered.

"Fantastic job today Brendon." Ella replied before leaving. Brendon's eyes began to droop. He looked at Dallon and Spencer, trying to smile at them.

"You know I'm really thankful for you guys." Brendon confessed. "I wouldn't be able to get through this without you two."

"Just go to sleep, Bren. It's been a busy day for you." Spencer replied. Brendon scoffed.

"What? No thanks for my heartfelt confession?" Brendon asked.

"Sleep, Bren. Sleep." Spencer chuckled. "Can you do that for me?"

He can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not too fond of this chapter. i feel like this story is just getting worse and worse. is it? doesn't really matter, i guess.


	18. Things Aren't The Same Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dallon rolled his eyes and walked over to Brendon's bed. He sat down next to Brendon and took his hand. "All that matters right now is that we're both here. With each other." Brendon nodded, looking down at their interlocked fingers. "You made it over another hurdle and you're here with me. That's all I care about."

thursday, the 4th of february. 3:44 pm. week 4

"I didn't expect you to be this tired." Dallon remarked as he stroked Brendon's thinning hair. Brendon smiled weakly.

"Suppressing an already suppressed immune system will do that to you." Brendon yawned, looking up at Dallon. "I wish you could take those gloves off." Brendon sighed. "S'not the same as feeling your actual fingers on my skin." Dallon smiled sadly, resting his cheek on the top of Brendon's head.

"If I could you know I would." He replied. Dallon felt Brendon moving followed by him wincing. Dallon sat up and looked at him, concerned. Brendon tried to smile.

"Still tender." Brendon tried. "Can you help lay me down?" Dallon nodded, readjusting Brendon and his bed until he was laying down comfortably. Brendon looked at Dallon hard, examining his face. "Did something happen at school today?" He asked.

"You know it's creepy when you do that, don't you?" Dallon asked. Brendon rolled his eyes.

"Stop avoiding the question." Dallon sighed, looking away from his boyfriend for a second.

"Coach. He's just been giving me a hard time lately." Dallon replied quietly. Brendon pursed his lips.

"It's because of me, isn't it?" He asked quietly. Dallon shook his head.

"I've been slacking off. I haven't been giving it my all." Dallon explained.

"You've been missing games and practices to be here with me." Brendon observed.

"I would do anything for you."

"But you shouldn't have to." Both boys went silent. Brendon sighed. "I'm gonna take a nap, is that alright?" Dallon nodded, standing from his chair next to Brendon's bed.

"Yeah, yeah absolutely. I'm gonna go get something to eat." Brendon nodded. Dallon left the room quietly, disposing of his medical mask and gloves as he did. " _Fuck_." He whispered to himself as he left the room.

Dallon made his way down to the coffee shop near the front entrance of the hospital. He got a small coffee and sat at a table for a good ten minutes, staring into the dark liquid and hot steam rising from the paper cup without bringing it to his lips once. After another fifteen he trashed it and slowly made his way back to the elevators.

Dallon waited for the elevators to come down to the first floor. There was a little boy standing next to him, and he found it a little odd. Why would such a young boy be down here by himself? He was holding a small plastic flower in his hands. The doors to the elevator opened and both Dallon and the boy entered. Dallon pressed the button for the fifth floor and turned to the little boy.

"What floor are you headed to?" He asked.

"I don't know." The small boy responded. Dallon got down on one knee so he didn't seem so intimidating to the small child.

"Well, where are you trying to go?" He asked. He refrained from asking her why he wasn't with someone specifically, he didn't want to risk asking why he wasn't with his mother or father. For all he knew his parents could be the ones in the hospital in the first place.

"My sister's room. I forget where it is though." The little boy answered.

"Maybe I can help you find her room. Can I ask why your sister is here?" Dallon asked. The boy nodded.

"She has these pills that she takes, kinda like the gummy ones I take but they're not gummy. She told me they tasted really good, but they're not for me because I can't swallow pills yet. She said they taste really good, and she took too many because she said they taste really sweet. But the doctor told me it's dangerous to take more than one everyday, and now she's here."

"Is your sister in the ICU?" Dallon asked. The little boy's face lit up and he nodded. "Alright, well that's on the eighth floor. I'm headed that way too. Do you want to come with me and we can find your sister?" The little boy nodded again. "Alright." Dallon said as he stood up. The little boy grabbed Dallon's hand, surprising him at first. But he didn't let go.

"What does ICU stand for?" The boy asked, looking up at Dallon. Dallon smiled sadly.

"It stands for intensive care unit." Dallon explained. "People go there when they need to be watched closely and given lots of help to get better." The doors to the elevator opened and the two walked out. "Do you remember what room your sister is in?" Dallon asked.

"We just need to look for the door with the picture I drew for her on it." The boy explained. Dallon nodded and they started walking down the long hallways. The little boy looked up at Dallon again. "Why are you here?" He asked.

"My boyfriend's kidneys decided to take a vacation, so he got some new ones." Dallon replied, looking down at the boy.

"Oh." The little boy responded. "Can boys have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah." Dallon replied. "It's no different than a boy having a girlfriend."

"Is it like a girl having a girlfriend?" The boy asked.

"It is." Dallon nodded. "It's all the same. And if you find a boy that you love and that loves you, than you can have a boyfriend too." Dallon answered. "Same goes for having a girlfriend."

"Do I have to have a boyfriend?" The little boy asked.

"No," Dallon shook his head. "You can have a girlfriend, you can have a boyfriend, and you can have a friend. You do what feels right to you."

"Okay, I will." The boy stated. He pointed in front of him. Dallon looked up and saw a door with a crayon drawing of three figures. The boy lead Dallon to the door. "This is my sister's room!" He exclaimed as he let go of Dallon's hand and ran to the door. Dallon opened the door for him and he ran inside the room.

"Chris? Where were you buddy?" The man who Dallon presumed was the father asked his son as he picked him up and hugged him. The man was clearly exhausted. The man looked over at Dallon. "And who is this?" Chris pointed to Dallon.

"I got lost, but he helped me find you again! I went to get this for Julia!" He said, holding up the flower. "It's her favourite colour, too!" The man put Chris down.

"Well why don't you give it to her?" He asked. Chris nodded and went over to the girl in the hospital bed. She had IVs in both of her arms and a tube running down her nose. She looked drained of any energy yet still managed to smile and take the flower from her brother. The dad walked over to Dallon and extended his hand.

"Thank you for bringing him back. I-I didn't realize he was gone and I couldn't bring myself to leave and I-"

"It's okay, really it was no trouble." Dallon replied, cutting him off. "I, uh, I know the feeling of not being able to leave someone here alone." The man nodded. "My name is Dallon by the way." Dallon added, extending his hand. The man took it.

"Aron."

"If you want I was heading down to the cafeteria, I could get you something." Dallon offered.

"No, I couldn't-" Dallon placed his hand on Aron's shoulder.

"I've been in your shoes before, I can tell you're exhausted. And I get it, I really do." Aron nodded. 

"Who are you here with? If you don't mind me asking of course." Aron clarified. Dallon smiled.

"No not at all. I'm here with my boyfriend." Aron nodded. "Please, let me get you at least a coffee." Aron hesitated. Aron extended his hand to Dallon's.

"Thank you." He said. "Thank you so much."

* * *

 

"Knock knock.." Dallon whispered as he slowly entered the hospital room. Brendon looked up from his laptop, giving Dallon a quarter smile. He closed his laptop and placed it on the table next to his bed, struggling a bit. "Hey." Dallon greeted as he closed the door behind him and leaned against it.

"Hey." Brendon sighed. The two looked at each other for a while, unspeaking. Brendon sighed again, longer this time. "I shouldn't have played the guilt card like that." Brendon admitted. "My most sincere apologies, Mr. Weekes." Dallon rolled his eyes and walked over to Brendon's bed. He sat down next to Brendon and took his hand.

"All that matters right now is that we're both here. With each other." Brendon nodded, looking down at their interlocked fingers. "You made it over another hurdle and you're here with me. That's all I care about."

"It's just.." Brendon took a deep breath. "Everything is so different now. With us. And I don't know how to deal with it.." Dallon moved himself to Brendon's bed, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy. Brendon snuggled into him. "I don't know how to do this." Dallon smiled.

"It doesn't matter. Because you're not going to do it alone." Dallon looked down at Brendon, meeting his gaze. "Don't shut me out. You're not an inconvenience." Brendon nodded. "Change doesn't have to be bad, Bren. And if it is, I'll help you get through it." Brendon scoffed.

"You sound like my dad." Both boys chuckled.

"How're you feeling?" Dallon asked. Brendon shrugged.

"Abs are still throbbing, but not bad." Dallon smiled under his mask.

"I'm glad." Brendon snuggled into Dallon again.

"Thank you." Brendon mumbled into Dallon's shirt.

"For what?" Dallon asked.

"Being here. For coming back even after what I've put you through." Dallon relaxed into Brendon.

"I'd let you drag me through Hell if it meant I'd be with you, Bren."

"Really?" Brendon asked. "That's a little melodramatic, don't you think?" Dallon chuckled.

"Yeah, because  _I'm_  the melodramatic one here."

"I'm just saying. They blast Nickelback 24/7 in Hell." Brendon pointed out. "I just don't think I'm worth such torture." Dallon rolled his eyes, pulling Brendon closer.

"You are worth that and so much more." Brendon shoved Dallon playfully.

"Just sit here and cuddle me you hopeless romantic."

"My pleasure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while, i know. but here it is, chapter eighteen. hope you enjoyed. (i think this one is just super cute)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work in progress. I do not have the entire story completed, and chapters are subject to change, so make sure to watch out for notes before and after chapters, as I might have gone back and changed/rewritten small bits of previous chapters. I'll try not to make any big changes that will greatly affect the plot/story line as best I can, most changes will probably be adding smaller details or changing the format of a chapter/HTML fixes, so please forgive me if something looks off in a chapter right after it was added. I'm new to having to add my own HTML so please be patient with me as I figure it out, and I hope you enjoy reading!


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